OHHHHH my goodness. Zaxby's (If you are not aware of Zaxby's it is a casual chicken resturant that serves hot wings and chicken fingers. They have crushed ice and serve really good garlic toast) has a new delight that makes me so stinking happy that I can almost not even stand it.
Sweet and Spicy Boneless Wings.
They are a whole mouthful of sticky sweet thai tasting yumminess.
They have big chucks of garlic and crushed red pepper and something nutty like peanuts.
And the fact that I went out in a storm to get them is proof that television advertising totally works.
Moving along... there was a fire in Dillon last night. A big one. This town is pretty old and most of the buildings are older than that, and a really big warehouse was struck by lightening last night and burned to the ground. You could see the smoke and flames for miles. It even knocked out power to most of the town. Starved for entertainment that we are, we drove on over to see what the heck was burning. A lot of other people had the same idea. It made me kind of sad.. not because an old historic building was burning, but because I was pretty entertained by watching it. I gotta get out of this place.
It was however the first time I'd been out of the house in days. I have a UTI AND a kidney infection. I didnt even sense it sneaking up on me. With everything that was going on last week between the baby and all, I thought I was just tired and achy from not sleeping. But turns out I was/am sick. I felt crampy and wierd on saturday, and by the time Steven got home at 12 I was in major pain. So, being that I dont have health insurance,and I totally felt like spending a few hundred bucks, we went to the local ER. Luckily they werent busy at all and saw me right away. I wont go into gross detail, but let me tell you, a catheterization when you have a UTI hurts like nothing youd care to imagine. They gave me some meds and I went on my way. They arent working. Even a little. So I applied to a local low income clinic, was approved, and they will thankfully see me tommorow. I'll keep you posted.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Saturday, July 22, 2006
fostering isnt for me
A lot of times I have thought about becoming a foster parent. In the area that we live in there are a LOT of kids that could use a safe haven.Theres so much stuff that kids go through. I thought that if I could be Jesus to them for even a little while, and then send them on thier way. It would be a way of giving back, since we have been so blessed. I mean I love children, and I'm pretty good with them, and the two that I am raising are turning out pretty good. No drugs(although Thing Two REALLY enjoyed the laughing gas she had at the dentist the other day... she said it made her feel "floaty"), arrests, or sexual immorality to speak of. yay for our team.. they are only 6 and 11, but you gotta take your victories where you can find them I say.
Anyway my point is, I didnt think that Steven and I would do a bad job being foster parents... at least until I tried it a little. During the week I look after a 1 yr old DARLING little girl. She is the cutest little thing.. I mean extrodinarily cute. She is the youngest daughter of one of my cousins... who is not parenting her. My Uncle and his girlfriend who are in thier late 60's have custody of her.If you have been reading along, you will find that a few members of my family are interesting. some of them are misguided and some are a complete mess. This is NOT the same family I wrote about a few weeks ago.I am not sure of all of the situation that caused my cousin to lose custody of her kid, but there you have it. The girlfriend is the primary caregiver for both the baby and my aging uncle, and had needed a break for some time. SO she took a vacation leaving the little one in my care. My uncle called and asked us if they needed it would we be able to keep her more often even on a semi permanent basis. I of course agreed.
I didnt know what to expect and allowed myself to imagine what life might be like with another child. I bought her clothes and shoes since when she was left with me Monday for the week there werent any brought for her at all.Since she was teething this week I sat and rocked her, and was up at night with her. It brought so much back from when Thing Two was a baby. I know she isnt mine, and I knew that theyd probably come and take her.. but just for a second it soothed the ache that secondary infertility is causing.
They came for her friday evening. I kissed her like I always do on fridays and plugged her into her car seat. I was so tired from my work week and exhausted from being up nights all week that it didnt really hit me until this evening when the clothing she wore all week cycled through the loads of laundry I was folding. I thought about her, and the life that she will lead if some major changes dont take place. She isnt really in the best place for her right now even though my Uncle and his girlfriend love her very much. They are old, and both have health issues.I cant do anything other than offer my help and make the suggestion that they leave her with me again and again. It just isnt my place.
There is NO way I could put myself through that on a regular basis. No thank you.
Thats all I have to say about that.
Anyway my point is, I didnt think that Steven and I would do a bad job being foster parents... at least until I tried it a little. During the week I look after a 1 yr old DARLING little girl. She is the cutest little thing.. I mean extrodinarily cute. She is the youngest daughter of one of my cousins... who is not parenting her. My Uncle and his girlfriend who are in thier late 60's have custody of her.If you have been reading along, you will find that a few members of my family are interesting. some of them are misguided and some are a complete mess. This is NOT the same family I wrote about a few weeks ago.I am not sure of all of the situation that caused my cousin to lose custody of her kid, but there you have it. The girlfriend is the primary caregiver for both the baby and my aging uncle, and had needed a break for some time. SO she took a vacation leaving the little one in my care. My uncle called and asked us if they needed it would we be able to keep her more often even on a semi permanent basis. I of course agreed.
I didnt know what to expect and allowed myself to imagine what life might be like with another child. I bought her clothes and shoes since when she was left with me Monday for the week there werent any brought for her at all.Since she was teething this week I sat and rocked her, and was up at night with her. It brought so much back from when Thing Two was a baby. I know she isnt mine, and I knew that theyd probably come and take her.. but just for a second it soothed the ache that secondary infertility is causing.
They came for her friday evening. I kissed her like I always do on fridays and plugged her into her car seat. I was so tired from my work week and exhausted from being up nights all week that it didnt really hit me until this evening when the clothing she wore all week cycled through the loads of laundry I was folding. I thought about her, and the life that she will lead if some major changes dont take place. She isnt really in the best place for her right now even though my Uncle and his girlfriend love her very much. They are old, and both have health issues.I cant do anything other than offer my help and make the suggestion that they leave her with me again and again. It just isnt my place.
There is NO way I could put myself through that on a regular basis. No thank you.
Thats all I have to say about that.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
the tooth fairy
The tooth fairy is coming to my house tonight.This time for Thing One. If you read back in my blogs, early this spring she went to see a butcher in Florence. She had an absessed tooth and it HAD to come out. Due to probably to long on the bottle and wayyy to many antibiotics for ear infections her baby teeth are pretty lame. But anyway all said and done she had a TRAUMATIC dentist experience and had THREE baby molars removed all in one day. Since then she has had NO baby teeth to fall out naturally.
For the past few weeks we have been easing her into a better experience. An aquaintance from church works in the office and she has been GREAT. She really made a big deal over Caitlin and made it so easy.
Not to mention the happy gas she had before the extraction! That was SO funny. Im not saying I like seeing my kid all high.. but I was amused beyond words. She was a comedian and had the staff in stitches. Poor baby.
That brings another issue. What the heck do I do with all those baby teeth? I am NOT a sentimental person. I dont keep stuff. I have ONE small box of memorablia from my teen years. I have a scrapbook of Caitie's first year.. and baby pictures on my wall. But I dont keep junk. YET I cant make myself throw away those teeth. They are all creepy and gross hidden in a Tony Stewart (yay Home Depot) tin in the bar of my house. (yeah we have a bar.. its odd in OUR house.. but there it is.)Anyway. What do you do with your kids baby teeth?
So if you see something flying low over my house tonight.. you'll know its the lady with the wings ;)
For the past few weeks we have been easing her into a better experience. An aquaintance from church works in the office and she has been GREAT. She really made a big deal over Caitlin and made it so easy.
Not to mention the happy gas she had before the extraction! That was SO funny. Im not saying I like seeing my kid all high.. but I was amused beyond words. She was a comedian and had the staff in stitches. Poor baby.
That brings another issue. What the heck do I do with all those baby teeth? I am NOT a sentimental person. I dont keep stuff. I have ONE small box of memorablia from my teen years. I have a scrapbook of Caitie's first year.. and baby pictures on my wall. But I dont keep junk. YET I cant make myself throw away those teeth. They are all creepy and gross hidden in a Tony Stewart (yay Home Depot) tin in the bar of my house. (yeah we have a bar.. its odd in OUR house.. but there it is.)Anyway. What do you do with your kids baby teeth?
So if you see something flying low over my house tonight.. you'll know its the lady with the wings ;)
Monday, July 17, 2006
door knobs,bathtubs, pirates and sides of beef
There is not tooo much going on around here. Yesterday we were heathens and skipped church. (GASP!) Steven has been working crazy hours and hadnt spent much time with the bambinos at all this week. So we slept in and then went to Florence. Thing Two was wondering where he was working so we took the girls to see HOME DEPOT. Thing Two was so funny,WE invented a game walking through the store. "If you were building your very own house what would you pick" Thing One was toooo coool to play along out loud, but I suspect she was playing in her head.Thing Two however was entertained beyond words.
I never saw a little kid so tickled with a home improvement store. She giggled and clapped at new doorknobs and bathtubs.. She is totally into home decor.To be honest she has pretty good taste too... I didnt think anything she picked was ugly.She DOES have expensive tastes though. The kitchen cabinets she chose were something like $5000 to START!
The whole time we were there she was all.. "If Tye Pennington (from Home Makeover on ABC) comes to Dillon Im gonna tell him we want THAT bathtub" I was near tears I was laughing so hard.
After exploring the FASCINATING world of Home Depot we took the kids to see Pirates of the Caribean 2. It was pretty decent. Thing Two I think had been a victim of Disney Channel hype. They have been playing "The making of" and "INside with Orlando Bloom" and she was dissapointed. It was a little intense for a 6 yr old. Davey Jones's crew I think almost did her in.She watched through covered eyes most of the movie. I think Thing Two liked it a lot. But as a pre-teen it is her job to be aloof and "cool" about it. I miss her getting exited about door knobs and Orlando Bloom.
We took them to eat at Golden Corral.. yah we are gourmets... Steven got to eat a side of beef for 8 bucks. Wich is always a happy thing for him.They have a new filet wrapped in applewood bacon on the bar that is SO good. Thing Two even ate pretty well. I on the otherhand established a fairly healthy migrane before dinner was over and didnt manage to keep it down for long (gross I know.) Its still here and nagging at me, making me nausiated. EW I think Im going to have to investigate these migranes before long. They are getting out of hand.
Big brother was last night. Kaysar is HOH and I think made a serious mistake in his nominations. He had the chance to spilt up the ONLY effectively operating aliance of Will and Mike Boogie. If it had been me Id have been ALL over nominating them and then working my BUTT off to get the veto.. Instead he nominated two almost harmless females. I wanted to smack his head with a big LOSER sign. Stupidhead.
anywho. GREAT sunday... minus the headache
I never saw a little kid so tickled with a home improvement store. She giggled and clapped at new doorknobs and bathtubs.. She is totally into home decor.To be honest she has pretty good taste too... I didnt think anything she picked was ugly.She DOES have expensive tastes though. The kitchen cabinets she chose were something like $5000 to START!
The whole time we were there she was all.. "If Tye Pennington (from Home Makeover on ABC) comes to Dillon Im gonna tell him we want THAT bathtub" I was near tears I was laughing so hard.
After exploring the FASCINATING world of Home Depot we took the kids to see Pirates of the Caribean 2. It was pretty decent. Thing Two I think had been a victim of Disney Channel hype. They have been playing "The making of" and "INside with Orlando Bloom" and she was dissapointed. It was a little intense for a 6 yr old. Davey Jones's crew I think almost did her in.She watched through covered eyes most of the movie. I think Thing Two liked it a lot. But as a pre-teen it is her job to be aloof and "cool" about it. I miss her getting exited about door knobs and Orlando Bloom.
We took them to eat at Golden Corral.. yah we are gourmets... Steven got to eat a side of beef for 8 bucks. Wich is always a happy thing for him.They have a new filet wrapped in applewood bacon on the bar that is SO good. Thing Two even ate pretty well. I on the otherhand established a fairly healthy migrane before dinner was over and didnt manage to keep it down for long (gross I know.) Its still here and nagging at me, making me nausiated. EW I think Im going to have to investigate these migranes before long. They are getting out of hand.
Big brother was last night. Kaysar is HOH and I think made a serious mistake in his nominations. He had the chance to spilt up the ONLY effectively operating aliance of Will and Mike Boogie. If it had been me Id have been ALL over nominating them and then working my BUTT off to get the veto.. Instead he nominated two almost harmless females. I wanted to smack his head with a big LOSER sign. Stupidhead.
anywho. GREAT sunday... minus the headache
Sunday, July 16, 2006
hot hot hot
Ohhh my gosh. It is soooo sooo hot. THIS is why I suggest moving to Alaska every spring. "I hate the hot. I hate the heat. I hate sweating. Lets move to Alaska" I say it every spring as it begins the steady uphill temp climb. But then I survive, and am happy that we live here in the south when it cools off again, because generally when it begins to get nice here in October? There is usually snow on the ground at home.
We are trying to think of something to do to beat the heat today.. Its to hot even to go to the beach. Hot and sticky AND sandy? No thanks.I wish there was a public pool around here. But alas there isnt.
In other news.
I know a millionaire. A couple years ago a close family friend was in a horrific car accident. She was driving a tiny little hatchback car and a HUGE truck smashed into her as she was making a legal turn off of Hwy 301 into my uncle's tire yard. It was the worst thing I have ever seen. She should have died. She went through MASSIVE medical problems and has really done well. Recovered SO well considering what she had to work with. This week the insurance company of the guy who crashed into her settled out of court. 1.3 million dollars.
Just to say it is surreal. And it didnt even happen to me. Can you imagine? 1.3 million dollars TAX FREE. Sure she has to pay her lawyers.But its all hers. I actually feel kind of bad for her. Her kids have been absent from her life, and there were few people who took an interest in helping her recover. Im SURE that suddenly she will have present and adoring children. I hope she tells them to talk a long walk off a short pier.
I suggested that she buy a case of books. The childrens fable about the rooster who makes a stew.. You know the one. He asks different family members and friends to help him with his garden
"Who will help me till the soil?" asked Papa Rooster
"Not I" said Henny Penny
"Who will help me plant the seeds?" asked Papa Rooster
"Not I" said Foxy Loxy
"Who will help me pull the weeds" asked Papa Rooster
"Not I" said Lucy Goosey
"Who will help me harvest the food?"
anyway you get the idea. The rooster asks and asks for help when the work is hard, and then when its time to eat the stew, reap the rewards everyone is all to happy to show thier faces.. But Papa Rooster sends them on thier way and enjoys his soup.Every time one of her kids or someone who wasnt available to help when she was sick asks for money,she needs to smile and tell them she has a gift for them. HA HA. Id laugh sSOO hard.
I think if I had 1.3 million dollars Id buy a BIG pool.
We are trying to think of something to do to beat the heat today.. Its to hot even to go to the beach. Hot and sticky AND sandy? No thanks.I wish there was a public pool around here. But alas there isnt.
In other news.
I know a millionaire. A couple years ago a close family friend was in a horrific car accident. She was driving a tiny little hatchback car and a HUGE truck smashed into her as she was making a legal turn off of Hwy 301 into my uncle's tire yard. It was the worst thing I have ever seen. She should have died. She went through MASSIVE medical problems and has really done well. Recovered SO well considering what she had to work with. This week the insurance company of the guy who crashed into her settled out of court. 1.3 million dollars.
Just to say it is surreal. And it didnt even happen to me. Can you imagine? 1.3 million dollars TAX FREE. Sure she has to pay her lawyers.But its all hers. I actually feel kind of bad for her. Her kids have been absent from her life, and there were few people who took an interest in helping her recover. Im SURE that suddenly she will have present and adoring children. I hope she tells them to talk a long walk off a short pier.
I suggested that she buy a case of books. The childrens fable about the rooster who makes a stew.. You know the one. He asks different family members and friends to help him with his garden
"Who will help me till the soil?" asked Papa Rooster
"Not I" said Henny Penny
"Who will help me plant the seeds?" asked Papa Rooster
"Not I" said Foxy Loxy
"Who will help me pull the weeds" asked Papa Rooster
"Not I" said Lucy Goosey
"Who will help me harvest the food?"
anyway you get the idea. The rooster asks and asks for help when the work is hard, and then when its time to eat the stew, reap the rewards everyone is all to happy to show thier faces.. But Papa Rooster sends them on thier way and enjoys his soup.Every time one of her kids or someone who wasnt available to help when she was sick asks for money,she needs to smile and tell them she has a gift for them. HA HA. Id laugh sSOO hard.
I think if I had 1.3 million dollars Id buy a BIG pool.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
A funny I thought you'd enjoy.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money in there in the first place?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you try first ?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right"? It clearly isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot"?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money in there in the first place?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you try first ?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right"? It clearly isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot"?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
selfish
Tell me, Why do we as Mothers allow ourselves to feel guilty all the time? When we take a moment to ourself, or do something that doesnt neccesarily benefit the kids or our husband FIRST, why do we pause? Why do we second guess decisions when it comes to our own sanity?
Im pretty sure that it starts when we become Mothers, because I dont ever remember feeling guilty about taking a bubble bath, or eating the last of the ice cream before I had kids. I dont think I really thought much about how one decision or another might affect the other members of my household before the girls were in my life.
Today I caught myself feeling guilty for doing just that, and I am putting a stop to it.
In case you havent been reading along, I am a nanny, childcare technician, babysitter, whatever you want to call it. I keep a pack of kids at my house m-f roughly 7 am till roughly 7 pm. All are family members, save one little boy whom I have been caring for since he was 8 wks old.
Today the mother of one of said children called and asked what I would charge her to add her older daughter to the ranks for a week begining Monday while her summer program was on break. I paused. My daughters were clear on the matter. Not NO, but HECK NO. I saw Thing One roll her eyes and sigh, and Thing two throw herself dramatically onto the loveseat with her hand backward over her eyes in a faux faint. I ignored them.. but could not resist the urge to do the same and meekly use a word that I am not generally very well aquainted with. I peeped it carefully, rolling around in my mouth a little before I said it.
"no", I said.
Dont get me wrong,we could use the money. I dont work outside our home. I am a stay at home mom. At times financially its been a hardship. Mentally its been hard at times too... how can I stay home and play play-dough and read books, and watch sesame street when things get tight financially? Is it fair for me to send Steven off to work so hard when I am at home playing? Steven assures me that he prefers me to be home, and weve been over the numbers.. The cost of childcare for two kids is just too high for it to be worth my working some minimum wage job here in Dillon.Still, Ive tried to do whatever I could to help out and pull my share in our finances. Yet still I said it.
"no"
I dont get along well with the child, whatsmore she is a difficult child who is a HUGE presence in any group of kids.. I had to draw a line in the sand and put a cap on the number of kids I can handle. Any more in this little house, and I might go crazy.After the conversation ended I sat in mild shock. Not only had I said THE word. I had said it not for the dramatics of my daughters. I said it for my very own selfish sanity.
It felt SO good.
So good in fact that I think that Im going to be more careful with myself.I think I'll watch the commitments I make more carefully, and be less worried about things. I think Im going to say the "NO" word more often without worrying about what someone else might think. I think Im going to go take a bubble bath.
Im pretty sure that it starts when we become Mothers, because I dont ever remember feeling guilty about taking a bubble bath, or eating the last of the ice cream before I had kids. I dont think I really thought much about how one decision or another might affect the other members of my household before the girls were in my life.
Today I caught myself feeling guilty for doing just that, and I am putting a stop to it.
In case you havent been reading along, I am a nanny, childcare technician, babysitter, whatever you want to call it. I keep a pack of kids at my house m-f roughly 7 am till roughly 7 pm. All are family members, save one little boy whom I have been caring for since he was 8 wks old.
Today the mother of one of said children called and asked what I would charge her to add her older daughter to the ranks for a week begining Monday while her summer program was on break. I paused. My daughters were clear on the matter. Not NO, but HECK NO. I saw Thing One roll her eyes and sigh, and Thing two throw herself dramatically onto the loveseat with her hand backward over her eyes in a faux faint. I ignored them.. but could not resist the urge to do the same and meekly use a word that I am not generally very well aquainted with. I peeped it carefully, rolling around in my mouth a little before I said it.
"no", I said.
Dont get me wrong,we could use the money. I dont work outside our home. I am a stay at home mom. At times financially its been a hardship. Mentally its been hard at times too... how can I stay home and play play-dough and read books, and watch sesame street when things get tight financially? Is it fair for me to send Steven off to work so hard when I am at home playing? Steven assures me that he prefers me to be home, and weve been over the numbers.. The cost of childcare for two kids is just too high for it to be worth my working some minimum wage job here in Dillon.Still, Ive tried to do whatever I could to help out and pull my share in our finances. Yet still I said it.
"no"
I dont get along well with the child, whatsmore she is a difficult child who is a HUGE presence in any group of kids.. I had to draw a line in the sand and put a cap on the number of kids I can handle. Any more in this little house, and I might go crazy.After the conversation ended I sat in mild shock. Not only had I said THE word. I had said it not for the dramatics of my daughters. I said it for my very own selfish sanity.
It felt SO good.
So good in fact that I think that Im going to be more careful with myself.I think I'll watch the commitments I make more carefully, and be less worried about things. I think Im going to say the "NO" word more often without worrying about what someone else might think. I think Im going to go take a bubble bath.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
visiting old friends
I love to read. I like pretty much all books. I always have. When I was a kid my vocabulary was always advanced because I read books that were too old for me. Ive worked in several bookstores and would again if trasportation wasnt an issue. If Dillon ever gets a good bookstore. Ill be all over working there!
What I like best is re-reading old favorites. This week I have pulled out a favorite series of fantasy books. The Belgariad by David Eddings. Its an allegory (a story that losely follows biblical themes)and I love it. Its all about an ordinary boy who discovers through a fantasical epic adventure that he is not an ordinary boy but the man who will save the world. Its so great. Its like eating macaroni and cheese or meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Comfort food. I am in a happy place this week. So be very quiet and dont try to send me any bad news! ;)
What I like best is re-reading old favorites. This week I have pulled out a favorite series of fantasy books. The Belgariad by David Eddings. Its an allegory (a story that losely follows biblical themes)and I love it. Its all about an ordinary boy who discovers through a fantasical epic adventure that he is not an ordinary boy but the man who will save the world. Its so great. Its like eating macaroni and cheese or meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Comfort food. I am in a happy place this week. So be very quiet and dont try to send me any bad news! ;)
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Refining Silver
Im not usually overly churchy on this blog.. I dont flaunt my christianity or throw my opinions in peoples faces. In fact in the past Ive usually let my actions speak for my religion. Its become painfully obvious how successful Ive been at THAT lately.(urg!) Sometimes God can use the most unlikely people to correct you. I guess when you are "told" by the person you least expected to hear it from, it can be the most life changing. Im in the fire for sure. My spiritual self feels like a punished child. Addmitedly wrong, and now suffering the consequences.Thankfully though, the Father isnt my punisher.. its me.
Anyway my point is.. I dont usually put God Stuff on this site.. but when I read this it was so amazing. A simple truth and encouragment. Hopefully it will speak to others as much as it did me.
Refined Silver
Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"
Things havent been "smooth sailing" around here for quite a while. Steven's unemployment has been a storm that at times I didnt think I would be able to weather. The heat has been so hot and the flames so high at times, my confidence was shaken.I didnt quit, although I felt some days like staying in bed, or even better just running away.Im so thankful that the "Silversmith" has his eyes on me, his total attention is placed on my life and that he wont quit holding me until he sees his image in me.
Anyway my point is.. I dont usually put God Stuff on this site.. but when I read this it was so amazing. A simple truth and encouragment. Hopefully it will speak to others as much as it did me.
Refined Silver
Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"
Things havent been "smooth sailing" around here for quite a while. Steven's unemployment has been a storm that at times I didnt think I would be able to weather. The heat has been so hot and the flames so high at times, my confidence was shaken.I didnt quit, although I felt some days like staying in bed, or even better just running away.Im so thankful that the "Silversmith" has his eyes on me, his total attention is placed on my life and that he wont quit holding me until he sees his image in me.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Allstars,Survivors, and Idols.
Big Brother 7 ALLSTARS started last night. Reality tv is my guilty pleasure. I love it. Its so mindless and simpleheaded.. like brain candy. Other times I like medical dramas and PBS documentaries (They are doing a really great series on Great European Leader biographies this summer. I LOVE them)But there are a few shows I cant resist.
Thing One and I have found this in common and we have counted down to the begining of the shows the past couple years. She loves speculating on the game.. who will vote who out and who will win. She loves to guess who will get voted off the island and more than anything who will go home from American Idol. We've picked the right winner for AI right from the begining for the last 3 summers. Its fun to get her wound up about one show or another.. teasing her about her favorites and watching her get involved in the drama. She is funny.
Other things that are going on. Thing Two is home from camp. It seems like she had a great time. My cousin's daughter was in her dorm and from the sounds of it was a pain in her butt all week. But what can ya do? It sure felt good to have my babies all home again.
My flower garden is doing pretty well. My gladiolas are FINALLY starting to bloom a little. I am not known to be that much of a green thumb. In fact last years vegetable garden was terrible. It didnt produce a single thing.. but some really big weeds and bug bitten squash vines. It was sad indeed. This year I decided to be less ambitious and try some hardy flowers. All have survived except one potted impatient. It wouldnt have died had a certain husband remembered to water it when I was away at camp but thats ok. As soon as we get back on track financially I'll replace it, since I didnt officially kill it myself.
I am still feeling odd about the whole Steven's ex thing. I put myself out there for real. I sent her an apology and meant it. Its not an easy thing to admit when youre wrong. IN fact it quite bites the big one. I hate being wrong. I REALLY hate apologising.. According to AOL the email I sent was recieved and read yesterday some time. I dont know what I expected. Maybe some kind of response.. maybe not. I had a talk with Thing One and told her SOME of what has gone on.I have tried to keep my feelings about her Mother to myself when it came to her.. but I havent always been succesful.I guess Ive done everything I can do, except to be consistant in my resolve to be a real person where she is concerned.
Yall have a wonderful weekend.
Thing One and I have found this in common and we have counted down to the begining of the shows the past couple years. She loves speculating on the game.. who will vote who out and who will win. She loves to guess who will get voted off the island and more than anything who will go home from American Idol. We've picked the right winner for AI right from the begining for the last 3 summers. Its fun to get her wound up about one show or another.. teasing her about her favorites and watching her get involved in the drama. She is funny.
Other things that are going on. Thing Two is home from camp. It seems like she had a great time. My cousin's daughter was in her dorm and from the sounds of it was a pain in her butt all week. But what can ya do? It sure felt good to have my babies all home again.
My flower garden is doing pretty well. My gladiolas are FINALLY starting to bloom a little. I am not known to be that much of a green thumb. In fact last years vegetable garden was terrible. It didnt produce a single thing.. but some really big weeds and bug bitten squash vines. It was sad indeed. This year I decided to be less ambitious and try some hardy flowers. All have survived except one potted impatient. It wouldnt have died had a certain husband remembered to water it when I was away at camp but thats ok. As soon as we get back on track financially I'll replace it, since I didnt officially kill it myself.
I am still feeling odd about the whole Steven's ex thing. I put myself out there for real. I sent her an apology and meant it. Its not an easy thing to admit when youre wrong. IN fact it quite bites the big one. I hate being wrong. I REALLY hate apologising.. According to AOL the email I sent was recieved and read yesterday some time. I dont know what I expected. Maybe some kind of response.. maybe not. I had a talk with Thing One and told her SOME of what has gone on.I have tried to keep my feelings about her Mother to myself when it came to her.. but I havent always been succesful.I guess Ive done everything I can do, except to be consistant in my resolve to be a real person where she is concerned.
Yall have a wonderful weekend.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
humble pie
Ive had to make some changes. I hate moderated comments. Makes me feel like the blogger doesnt trust me... and the reason for the changes is quite related to something like that. Please continue to comment. Ill approve them..just let me read them first.
If you recall, I had mentioned that lately Steven's ex had been acting strangely toward me. Odd.. distant... ugly even. Now, I know why.
She's been reading my blog.
Ive said some mean things.( I was never revealing when in reguards to her actual identity ect.. but still, I wasnt nice.)
She knows what I REALLY think.
Whats hardest is, I am sorry. I truely am. Not only that I got caught, but honestly for what I said. (If you know me, you realize how hard and rare this is for me) Ive been dealing with my "issues" when it comes to her. Its not an easy relationship to have. I am not a perfect person. I apologize if I came accoss as thinking that.
She made some comments about hypocrisy in the church.. and yeah. Im not a perfect vision of what a Christian should be. Who is? I have faults, and issues.I am changing, and growing, Trying to be a better person, everyone is. If we didnt then we'd be dead. Knowing Christ doesnt insure perfection, only forgiveness.
She also made comment about my insecurity... only she got it a little wrong. I am not insecure about my relationship with her exhusband. I dont worry that she'll try to get him back.. or that he would leave me for anyone. Steven loves me. I dont doubt us. We are good together. They have already written that book, I am secure in the fact that it is closed.
I am however, insecure about my relationship with my stepdaughter. Its so messy. If youve never been a step parent you cannot possibly know how it feels. I became a parental figure to Thing One suddenly. I didnt get to work into it. Suddenly I was responsible for this whole other person. AND she didnt really want me to be. She missed her Mama.She wanted her Mama to be around. Yes Thing One loves me. She really does.I dont doubt that either. Here is the thing.
Thing One's Mama will always be the "real thing" Her butter to my margarine. Good..but not quite best.There is a scene in a Julia Roberts movie "Stepmom", it kills me every time. Julia is talking with her stepchildren's mom who is dying. She talks about the daughter's wedding. She goes through the scenario, of doing her very best to be what the daughter needs, and all the daughter can think of is. "I wish my Mom was here." The biggest fear of my life? To have Thing One look back at her childhood and think. Miss Michele was there.. but man I wish my mom could have been.The very worst thing? It is already happening.
I am the "mean mom".. the enforcer. I have to be the heavy all the time. I do bedtime, and bathtime, and rules. I am all about sunblock and toothpaste and homework. I have the responsibilty of everyday. Dont get me wrong. I love it. Every second. Id fight to keep it.But rarely am I "fun mom". She on the otherhand? IS "fun mom". She swoops in every other weekend. She lives at the beach. Her house is all about eating out, swimming pools, and build-a-bear.Thing One doesnt have responsibilites there, and she gets to play with her half sister that she misses all the time. I cant compete.I wont try. It wouldnt be good for me, or for Thing One.
Here is something that WILL be good for her though. From here on out. I am promising to work hard at my additude. To recognize that my insecurities affect other people, namely Thing One. If I am annoyed? I will be quiet about it. If child support is late? I will leave it in Steven's hands to deal with.If something is said or done that I dont agree with. I promise to address the exact issue, and not everything that I have ever been annoyed with.
Im not promising perfection... only a concerted effort to do better.
If you recall, I had mentioned that lately Steven's ex had been acting strangely toward me. Odd.. distant... ugly even. Now, I know why.
She's been reading my blog.
Ive said some mean things.( I was never revealing when in reguards to her actual identity ect.. but still, I wasnt nice.)
She knows what I REALLY think.
Whats hardest is, I am sorry. I truely am. Not only that I got caught, but honestly for what I said. (If you know me, you realize how hard and rare this is for me) Ive been dealing with my "issues" when it comes to her. Its not an easy relationship to have. I am not a perfect person. I apologize if I came accoss as thinking that.
She made some comments about hypocrisy in the church.. and yeah. Im not a perfect vision of what a Christian should be. Who is? I have faults, and issues.I am changing, and growing, Trying to be a better person, everyone is. If we didnt then we'd be dead. Knowing Christ doesnt insure perfection, only forgiveness.
She also made comment about my insecurity... only she got it a little wrong. I am not insecure about my relationship with her exhusband. I dont worry that she'll try to get him back.. or that he would leave me for anyone. Steven loves me. I dont doubt us. We are good together. They have already written that book, I am secure in the fact that it is closed.
I am however, insecure about my relationship with my stepdaughter. Its so messy. If youve never been a step parent you cannot possibly know how it feels. I became a parental figure to Thing One suddenly. I didnt get to work into it. Suddenly I was responsible for this whole other person. AND she didnt really want me to be. She missed her Mama.She wanted her Mama to be around. Yes Thing One loves me. She really does.I dont doubt that either. Here is the thing.
Thing One's Mama will always be the "real thing" Her butter to my margarine. Good..but not quite best.There is a scene in a Julia Roberts movie "Stepmom", it kills me every time. Julia is talking with her stepchildren's mom who is dying. She talks about the daughter's wedding. She goes through the scenario, of doing her very best to be what the daughter needs, and all the daughter can think of is. "I wish my Mom was here." The biggest fear of my life? To have Thing One look back at her childhood and think. Miss Michele was there.. but man I wish my mom could have been.The very worst thing? It is already happening.
I am the "mean mom".. the enforcer. I have to be the heavy all the time. I do bedtime, and bathtime, and rules. I am all about sunblock and toothpaste and homework. I have the responsibilty of everyday. Dont get me wrong. I love it. Every second. Id fight to keep it.But rarely am I "fun mom". She on the otherhand? IS "fun mom". She swoops in every other weekend. She lives at the beach. Her house is all about eating out, swimming pools, and build-a-bear.Thing One doesnt have responsibilites there, and she gets to play with her half sister that she misses all the time. I cant compete.I wont try. It wouldnt be good for me, or for Thing One.
Here is something that WILL be good for her though. From here on out. I am promising to work hard at my additude. To recognize that my insecurities affect other people, namely Thing One. If I am annoyed? I will be quiet about it. If child support is late? I will leave it in Steven's hands to deal with.If something is said or done that I dont agree with. I promise to address the exact issue, and not everything that I have ever been annoyed with.
Im not promising perfection... only a concerted effort to do better.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
4th fireworks
***Warning. This is a vent.. there is nothing I can do about the situation, other than to pray. I am helpless, yet feel guilt.. I just gotta spill it****
So there is this part of my family.. another branch on the tree so to speak. An uncle and an aunt that together have 10 children. The Uncle is father to four and the Aunt mother to 6. They are reasonably well off,have a BEAUTIFUL property on a small lake and own a fairly prosperous business here in town. Most of the famly is close in a lot of ways...at least they always seem to want to be together since they are CONSTANTLY at the home of my Aunt and Uncle. They have become our "stand in" extended family since all our specific branch is on the west coast and in Alaska.
This is one of those mixed families that is like oil and water.. only no one wants to admit that they are.. except to accuse the other "half" of being the oil and to lay claim to who is more rightfully a "son/daughter" of their parents.(Im not taking sides here.. but just to be fair.. I am a blood relation to the FATHER and his official offspring. He is my father's brother) It seems more often that it is the children of the Wife who want to dissallow the children of the Husband and feel the entitlement.. its odd that it is that way since technically the money/properties/business belongs to the Husband, and if push came to shove without a propper will theyd get BUPKISS. ( I will also be fair and say that the children of the Father, my biologcial cousins, are pretty much screw ups.)They are absolutely in every sense of the word disfunctional.We're talking Days of Our Lives here.
One of the my Uncle's son's has a daughter. We'll call her "C" she is 8 yrs old or so. My cousin (the bioloical son of my uncle) is long gone. Wanted for child support evasion and God only knows what else. "C"'s mother is umm challenged. She was badly abused in her own childhood and did only what she knew.. allowed it to happen to "C". She is only what you could call a "wounded lamb" (at least that is the phrase I hear in my mind whenever I pray for her)She has very few socail skills and exhibits evidence of MASSIVE abuse in every area of her life. You name it? It probably happened to "C" Earlier this year something terrible happened, and Division of Social Services (DSS) had to step in and remove "C" from her Mother's care. She was placed in the care of my Aunt and Uncle (who are in thier late 60's by the way)
The CURRENT issue that is making me want to wash my hands of them is this. The children are behaving like spoiled brats over this child. YES she is a handful, and YES she needs intensive one on one attention, and YES she has caused problems. But the children still insist on bringing thier children and abandoning them to the care of my Aunt and Uncle (mostly my aunt) making the one on one attention that "C" needs impossible. They come early in the morning and stay till all hours of the night. They fill up the house and dont pay attention to thier kids.. and then are SHOCKED when "C" acts out toward thier children. She is wounded, and broken, and because of her early childhood mentally ill. And they treat her terribly. My aunt does the very best she can, but isnt able to keep up.
It makes me so sad... and if I thought for one moment that Steven and I could handle such a strain, we would offer to step in. But I know my limits and know that it wouldnt get "C" the help she needs.
Id LOVE to tell the children off. Scream at them...in rightous indignation. Dont they realize that one day.. all of us will stand before the King. He'll look at them and hang his head... "I sent you one of my wounded lambs. You could have held her up, cared for her wounds, and showed her my love through your actions.. instead you threw her to the roadside and cried about what you were entitled to" I wont though. Ill just hold "C" when I have the chance, and pray that her future will be left in His hands.
So there is this part of my family.. another branch on the tree so to speak. An uncle and an aunt that together have 10 children. The Uncle is father to four and the Aunt mother to 6. They are reasonably well off,have a BEAUTIFUL property on a small lake and own a fairly prosperous business here in town. Most of the famly is close in a lot of ways...at least they always seem to want to be together since they are CONSTANTLY at the home of my Aunt and Uncle. They have become our "stand in" extended family since all our specific branch is on the west coast and in Alaska.
This is one of those mixed families that is like oil and water.. only no one wants to admit that they are.. except to accuse the other "half" of being the oil and to lay claim to who is more rightfully a "son/daughter" of their parents.(Im not taking sides here.. but just to be fair.. I am a blood relation to the FATHER and his official offspring. He is my father's brother) It seems more often that it is the children of the Wife who want to dissallow the children of the Husband and feel the entitlement.. its odd that it is that way since technically the money/properties/business belongs to the Husband, and if push came to shove without a propper will theyd get BUPKISS. ( I will also be fair and say that the children of the Father, my biologcial cousins, are pretty much screw ups.)They are absolutely in every sense of the word disfunctional.We're talking Days of Our Lives here.
One of the my Uncle's son's has a daughter. We'll call her "C" she is 8 yrs old or so. My cousin (the bioloical son of my uncle) is long gone. Wanted for child support evasion and God only knows what else. "C"'s mother is umm challenged. She was badly abused in her own childhood and did only what she knew.. allowed it to happen to "C". She is only what you could call a "wounded lamb" (at least that is the phrase I hear in my mind whenever I pray for her)She has very few socail skills and exhibits evidence of MASSIVE abuse in every area of her life. You name it? It probably happened to "C" Earlier this year something terrible happened, and Division of Social Services (DSS) had to step in and remove "C" from her Mother's care. She was placed in the care of my Aunt and Uncle (who are in thier late 60's by the way)
The CURRENT issue that is making me want to wash my hands of them is this. The children are behaving like spoiled brats over this child. YES she is a handful, and YES she needs intensive one on one attention, and YES she has caused problems. But the children still insist on bringing thier children and abandoning them to the care of my Aunt and Uncle (mostly my aunt) making the one on one attention that "C" needs impossible. They come early in the morning and stay till all hours of the night. They fill up the house and dont pay attention to thier kids.. and then are SHOCKED when "C" acts out toward thier children. She is wounded, and broken, and because of her early childhood mentally ill. And they treat her terribly. My aunt does the very best she can, but isnt able to keep up.
It makes me so sad... and if I thought for one moment that Steven and I could handle such a strain, we would offer to step in. But I know my limits and know that it wouldnt get "C" the help she needs.
Id LOVE to tell the children off. Scream at them...in rightous indignation. Dont they realize that one day.. all of us will stand before the King. He'll look at them and hang his head... "I sent you one of my wounded lambs. You could have held her up, cared for her wounds, and showed her my love through your actions.. instead you threw her to the roadside and cried about what you were entitled to" I wont though. Ill just hold "C" when I have the chance, and pray that her future will be left in His hands.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
appron strings
Thing two is making me crazy. This week she will be attending sleep away church camp. I drop her off Tuesday and she'll be there until friday at 9 am.THREE nights away. She is so exited. Every few minutes she makes this little squeal and does this little dance.Making a sound that sounds somthing like "imsoexcitedIcantwaittogotocamp" at pitches not formerly known to be human voice sounds. She has all of her camp clothes laid out in my livingroom,ready for me to iron and pack in a rollaway suitcase.Yall pray for her counselor!
I, on the otherhand am feeling panic-ish. My baby. The one whom I have not allowed to be babysat by anyone other than close family.The one whom I puked everyday for 9 mos for and went through 30 hours of labor for...is leaving me. I am sad. I know she'll be safe there...heck she wouldnt be going there if I didnt. I know she'll have the time of her life. She'll do all those things I loved at camp, and make friendships she'll treasure her whole life.. but AAAAAAAK. Three nights?
In other news. The weekend went by SO fast. Honestly I spent a lot of it sleeping. I have had a headache since Wednesday. It makes me ill to my stomach and cranky as a bear. My Aunt, who took classes to become a massuse has been working on my back and neck muscles to help them to relax. I took some muscle relaxers that hopefully will have dont the trick.. for now all they are doing is making my typing wonky.
My funeral Team leader thing went off ok. I got to the house and was stared at as I delivered dinner. It was an odd feeling... what do you say.. "uhh sorry your dad died.. here is some chicken. can I have the dishes back on sunday?" Strange southern customs.
I, on the otherhand am feeling panic-ish. My baby. The one whom I have not allowed to be babysat by anyone other than close family.The one whom I puked everyday for 9 mos for and went through 30 hours of labor for...is leaving me. I am sad. I know she'll be safe there...heck she wouldnt be going there if I didnt. I know she'll have the time of her life. She'll do all those things I loved at camp, and make friendships she'll treasure her whole life.. but AAAAAAAK. Three nights?
In other news. The weekend went by SO fast. Honestly I spent a lot of it sleeping. I have had a headache since Wednesday. It makes me ill to my stomach and cranky as a bear. My Aunt, who took classes to become a massuse has been working on my back and neck muscles to help them to relax. I took some muscle relaxers that hopefully will have dont the trick.. for now all they are doing is making my typing wonky.
My funeral Team leader thing went off ok. I got to the house and was stared at as I delivered dinner. It was an odd feeling... what do you say.. "uhh sorry your dad died.. here is some chicken. can I have the dishes back on sunday?" Strange southern customs.
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