trust

trust


Ive been thinking a lot about trusting God.. Not meaning that I dont now, or that I am doubting him.Just about the actual act. Our goal is to worry about nothing. To completely release our lives in every aspect whether it be the mundane or the life shattering to his will.For me, I guess it isnt so much about TRUST than SUBMISSION

Historically I have a pretty hard time with authority. Ok a REALLY hard time with authority. I do not like to be told what to do. I do not deal well with structure.I am a free spirit that doesnt like to be held down. I even went to an alternative high school that totally fed my authority problems. As students we were self governed and had very very little structure. I have come to learn that it wasnt the actual authority figures that gave me a headache. But the submission that authority requires.

*** Bunny trail... Seeing as I personally have such a problem with structure and authority I find it totally strange that I am a strict parent. I am all about vegtables, bedtimes,homework and rules. I am WAY stricter than my parents were with me. hmmmm wierd.***end bunny trail.

I cant believe that I will EVER be in permanent submission to anything...sadly even God. Its turning into a daily thing.. And since it mentions something that effect in the bible I cant believe that I am the lone ranger in this problem. Submission is how we die to self and live in Christ.

This isnt my problem. I have a problem with submission, its established. But this is what I am afraid of. If I have to daily remind myself, repent and work so hard on it. Will we ever come out of this horrible spiral of financial hell? If I cant trust blindly will we be poor forever? I know that God as our Father doesnt punish us. He isnt in the business of throwing financial lightening rods at our checkbook. But truthfully? I cant help but feel a little punished. Im working on it though.