I am CSI agent MOMMY. And I have cracked the case.
Thing One is busted.
Here's how it went down.
Sometime last week.. I suspect monday or Tuesday, a flyer was circulated at Thing One's school. I have not actually SEEN said flyer since it was detroyed in hopes of removing evidence of guilt..but I know it exists. AND since I am Judge, Jurry, and the prosecution in this case.. I will allow testimony to stand without the actual evidence.The flyer promoted a non school sanctioned PROM. (for 11 yr olds? yeah. for 5th graders) Said Prom was to take place friday evening in a very very seedy area of town.Yes indeedee booty shakin would be goin down in D town friday!
My cousin's daughter,the co-defendant (we'll call her curly top) and Thing One, who are often in cahoots, began the deception.. (attempted deception that is) when the flyer was not presented to thier parents upon reciept. Had this happened? This issue would have been closed and the problem stopped before it began.. but they conspired to commit treason.
Thing One spends every other weekend with her "biolgical female non-custodial parental unit". (hence refered to as JDL) Thing One aware that this was said weekend, and that her chances of talking JBL into allowing her to attend the PROM were FAR FAR greater than the than if she petitioned Steven or I.(she was correct in her deduction.. it'd be a cold day in hell before Id allow her to be DROPPED of at a place where I didnt know the adults or whatever. THERE IS NO WAY) She decpetivly kept the event to herself. The treasonous act was in play.
The day of the crime.
Things were going as planned. Thing One would clear said PROM with JBL. Upon hearing that Thing One would be allowed to attend the PROM, Curly Top's parental unit would assume that said approval was passed by Steven and I.Allowing for the fact that Steven and I are FAR more strict and more protective of Things One and Two than they are of Curly Top...Our approval would surely convince Curly Top's parents that attendance of said PROM was acceptable.
Thing One would then arrange for JBL to pick up both her and Curly Top here, dropping them off for later retrieval. They would attend said PROM without Steven or I's knowledge since we were conviently out of town chaperoning a Youth Worship Conference at Myrtle Beach with no ill effect.
This is where things went south for them.
JDL had car trouble. (as usual) Her alternator was broken and she would not be able to drive to Dillon to complete the plan of the defendant. I, who was unaware of the plotted scheme, didnt mention the fact that her Maternal Grandparents would be delivering her to her mother at the beach until directly before my departure in a last minute phone call. OH! To have seen the look on her face!
This was a major problem to the plan, It was sinking fast as the Titanic. Frantic, Thing One begged my Mother for the use of her cell phone to call JDL long distance,and clear the PROM with her so her Grandparents would make the drop off and the plan could be salvaged. My Mother (God Bless her) smelled a rat. She informed the defendant that since she would see her mother in a few short hours that communication was not neccesary. Defeated but not destroyed Thing One returned home to devise yet another plan.
In desparation, Thing One telephoned her Biological Maternal Step Grandfather and requested that he relay the message in refernce to the PROM to JBL and would he PLEASE have her to call back as soon as possible, thank you very much?
JBL completely unaware that treason was being commited, and assuming that Steven and I were informed, agreed to said prom and began to make arrangements for transpotation.Typical. SHe could have foiled the plan had she asked then if Steven and I were aware of the scheme.. but she was her usual uninformed self.
The snag that made all the diiference.
Curly top by now in full force, all systems go to convince her parents that since Thing One is allowed to attend the prom that she should too. The dad and mom were thinking... this didnt sound kosher. Something was amiss.. and when Curly Top's mama glanced outside and noticed our empty driveway, she KNEW something was very wrong.She made a call to my mother, whom she informed of the dance and the plan being hatched. Who called us (on the borrowed cell phone that we had in our possesion since I am the labor coach for my very very pregnant cousin and needed to be reachable)
Upon hearing this, Steven called JdL and put a stop to the plan. Thing One was busted and Curly Top thwarted. The plan was dead.
This court finds Thing One GUILTY of treason, the intent to attend unacceptable functions to commit illegal forms of bootie shaking, and the attempt to put on over on Mom and Dad. For these actions she is sentenced. One week complete and total, utter groundation. No phone, no friends, no tv. no Music, and no books other than the bible. There will be chores to be completed and this time is to be served from Monday at 6am until Friday at 6 pm the first week of summer vaction. This sentance may not be commuted, changed or otherwise altered. This is the word of the court.
We stand at recess.
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