babies, netflix and halloween

Not very inspiring or deep today.. but heres what I am thinking about.

My stupid cousin is pregnant. She has one kid already. She is the devil (the kid not the cousin) She doesnt have a man... well she did (obviously) but they broke up. She doesnt have a job. She doesnt take care of herself... or the kid she already she has. She moved all her junk to Pennsylvania last month and then in three weeks decided that even though she had no money that she should come back to Dillon... and now she is 5 weeks pregnant. I am green. Positivly jealous.

Steven and I have been trying to concieve for almost 4 years. Counting days, schedules (totally unromantic let me tell you) taking tempuratures, and drugs... terrible gut bombing drugs that made me a pile of raging hormones. Still nothing.. We had a brief pregnancy 2 years ago...right after we got married, but I misscarried before we even told anyone about it. Most people dismiss our infertility as silly since we already have two children. I have a daughter from a previous .... umm well lets just say I have a daughter. And Steven and his ex wife have a daughter together (She is really MINE, we have custody and Jaime rarely sees her let alone support her)... but honestly. I sometimes feel like a failure to Steven, who badly wants another baby. Its a nature thing, "genetically fertility challenged". thats me. Sometimes I feel like a defective light bulb... looks fine until you plug her in... My dr says that my fertility would tripple if I could manage to lose a bunch of weight....hmm why didnt I think of THAT? Honestly some drs are so thick headed.

We joined netflix.com. A friend mentioned it in his blog and said he was enjoying it...so we decided to try it... well I decided to try it. After a half hour of suggesting stuff he's like to see Steven wandered off to play with the dog. I was like a madwoman. There are like 100 movies on my que. If you arent familiar with netflix, its this online movie rental site where you make a list of movies you want to see and they send you two of them.. you watch them and send them back in a prepaid envelope... then (this is the great part) they send you two more from your list! Now I am an at home mom dealing with MAJOR boredom in the daytime. The baby that I keep sleeps for hours at a time.. and plays independantly... so MAN am I exited about a never ending line of movies delivered to my door (for the low low price of $9.99)! YAHOO! We should recieve our first movie this week.. I'll let you know how we like it.

Today is Halloween. I love this holiday. Growing up my mother was terribly religious. We werent allowed to trick or treat (never mind it was ALASKA and about 20 degrees). But we stayed at home and watched television and passed out candy while my mother waged a prayerful war on the evils of pixie sticks and candied apples. Or we went to a neighborhood halloween party or to a church lock-in..we had fun certainly, we just didnt get to do the Halloween "thing".

MY KIDS.. dress up every year (Caitlin was GASP! a WITCH last year) and we trick or treat till our little feet fall off.. or until the town curfew wichever comes first. Tonight will be no execption. Costumes are still undecided. We have the makings for both a cat costume and a fairy princess. My girls are still argueing over whom will be wich. Either way they will be adorable and we will have a great family time together begging for candy from the people who live in the big houses downtown and from nearby town Latta. Then we'll come home to a pancake dinner and hot cocoa. I love this time of year..