babies, netflix and halloween

Not very inspiring or deep today.. but heres what I am thinking about.

My stupid cousin is pregnant. She has one kid already. She is the devil (the kid not the cousin) She doesnt have a man... well she did (obviously) but they broke up. She doesnt have a job. She doesnt take care of herself... or the kid she already she has. She moved all her junk to Pennsylvania last month and then in three weeks decided that even though she had no money that she should come back to Dillon... and now she is 5 weeks pregnant. I am green. Positivly jealous.

Steven and I have been trying to concieve for almost 4 years. Counting days, schedules (totally unromantic let me tell you) taking tempuratures, and drugs... terrible gut bombing drugs that made me a pile of raging hormones. Still nothing.. We had a brief pregnancy 2 years ago...right after we got married, but I misscarried before we even told anyone about it. Most people dismiss our infertility as silly since we already have two children. I have a daughter from a previous .... umm well lets just say I have a daughter. And Steven and his ex wife have a daughter together (She is really MINE, we have custody and Jaime rarely sees her let alone support her)... but honestly. I sometimes feel like a failure to Steven, who badly wants another baby. Its a nature thing, "genetically fertility challenged". thats me. Sometimes I feel like a defective light bulb... looks fine until you plug her in... My dr says that my fertility would tripple if I could manage to lose a bunch of weight....hmm why didnt I think of THAT? Honestly some drs are so thick headed.

We joined netflix.com. A friend mentioned it in his blog and said he was enjoying it...so we decided to try it... well I decided to try it. After a half hour of suggesting stuff he's like to see Steven wandered off to play with the dog. I was like a madwoman. There are like 100 movies on my que. If you arent familiar with netflix, its this online movie rental site where you make a list of movies you want to see and they send you two of them.. you watch them and send them back in a prepaid envelope... then (this is the great part) they send you two more from your list! Now I am an at home mom dealing with MAJOR boredom in the daytime. The baby that I keep sleeps for hours at a time.. and plays independantly... so MAN am I exited about a never ending line of movies delivered to my door (for the low low price of $9.99)! YAHOO! We should recieve our first movie this week.. I'll let you know how we like it.

Today is Halloween. I love this holiday. Growing up my mother was terribly religious. We werent allowed to trick or treat (never mind it was ALASKA and about 20 degrees). But we stayed at home and watched television and passed out candy while my mother waged a prayerful war on the evils of pixie sticks and candied apples. Or we went to a neighborhood halloween party or to a church lock-in..we had fun certainly, we just didnt get to do the Halloween "thing".

MY KIDS.. dress up every year (Caitlin was GASP! a WITCH last year) and we trick or treat till our little feet fall off.. or until the town curfew wichever comes first. Tonight will be no execption. Costumes are still undecided. We have the makings for both a cat costume and a fairy princess. My girls are still argueing over whom will be wich. Either way they will be adorable and we will have a great family time together begging for candy from the people who live in the big houses downtown and from nearby town Latta. Then we'll come home to a pancake dinner and hot cocoa. I love this time of year..

update.. captain random style

I havent posted in a while so I am gonna just fill yall in on a whole bunch of stuff in one catch all post.

1. we went to the beach last weekend. I woke up saturday in a pool of discontent. I couldnt stand just laying around the house AGAIN. So I got online and found a cheap-o hotel room with a pool and we just took off. It was awesome. I vegged out in a hot tub until my skin nearly floated off of me. Caitlin had a great time pool hopping and playing with all the little tourist kids.

*** We ate at an AWESOME burger joint. Those of you from this area will know thier jingle. River City Cafe.. we make fun a thousand different ways...you know the "complimentary" peanuts? I had never been there but Jasmin wanted to try them out. On approach I was a little leary... looked to me like every saloon I had ever been in in Alaska. But it turned out to be great fun.. and quite honestly the very best hambuger I have had in a resturant in a very long time. They make hand cut fries and the burgers are real meat. Prices werent that bad either...I think it was like $30 for all of us to eat whaterver we wanted and get souvinear plastic glasses.

2. Fall festival at the church is tonight. Last year I was deeply involved in the festival. Derrick & Dianna Jones, Tammy Kale, Carolyn Lockemy and I nearly put up the thing single handedly. Were talking like 30 hours in 3 days. I was so tired by the time it came around I didnt even enjoy it. This year we did better. Monday night we went by for like 2 hours. I painted a box blue and steven helped put the playstation booth together. Thats it. I had ambitions of returning to help last nght, but Daddy's cousin died and I wanted to go look at his relatives... so I never made it back. I feel bad since i was working on a project... hopefully someone will have finished the fishing booth. Tonight I am helping make popcorn and steven is doing security. The girls are exited. Jasmin is going as a cat and Caitie as a fairy princess. (what else?) Steven and I carved pumpkins for the event. Steven's is a "preacher pumpkin" with a tie and a bible and a mustache. Mine is a cat with a spider creeping down his face.. took HOURS to carve. and I cut myself.

3. pumpkin seed question. Ok so I made the kids get all the seeds out of the pumpkin guts. I washed tehm, salted them and roasted them this morning. Are you sopposed to shell them? Or just eat them whole? They are enjoyable both ways.. however I cant help wonder why the touble of shelling them? hmmmm

5. Dalton's mommy is getting married. Caitie is a flower girl.. I have to find her a dress that is wine or burgundy.. and that i can afford. I will be shopping ebay this afternoon.

6. Jasmin STILL hasnt seen her mother (its been since JUNE ).. and we heard from a relaible source that she has been in town most saturdays.That burns my britches that she risks going to jail to see a FRIEND and wont risk it for her own daughter. What a waste of skin.

anywho.. thats about it. I will post halloween pictures on tuesday.

Miss Mildred is Missing

Miss Mildred is missing. She wasnt in her spot in the third row last sunday...and none of the other grannies know where she could be. Her car is in it's spot in her driveway, and her neighbors are very worried. The police were called and they searched her home.. and found her poor cat.. starved to death, litterally dead from lack of food.. Its as if she walked into an episode of a cbs police drama. Just gone...and no one knows where to.

In MY life I am "lucky". I am surrounded by people. I am NEVER alone from morning to night. I dont drive, so everywhere I go.. Im with someone. I babysit in the daytime, so Dalton is here when my kids arent.My mother (who lives next door) calls a hundred times a day. We confer on almost every issue.. from what Im fixing for supper to how the kids day at school was. My Daddy is home 5 out of 7 days and is in and out on the other two. Uncles and Aunts live on either side of me. Accross the street is a sweet cousin who never misses ANYTHING. We call my baby sister in Alaska about every other day. If I dont hear from her for more than a few days I hunt her down amoungst our friends. ( I havent had to do it lately thank goodness) My Aunt Carrie lives there too.. but she is loved and accounted for on a regular basis. I feel better now that Tina lives near so she can run into town and check on her if we cant get ahold of her on the cell phone.There is a certain comfort in knowing that were something to happen to one of us it would only be hours or at the very longest 1 day before someone noticed....not a week and a half like Miss Mildred.

There ARE days when I miss being able to come and go as I please, like when I was single and on my own. There are also days when I realize I took terrible risks.. like riding the city bus in Anchorage 45 minutes into the country and then walking a mile home in the dark, in the winter, where there were moose and who knows what else. Or dating guys I met off the internet. Or exploring Rome Italy alone for the most part for 2 days.

I am praying that Miss Mildred has only just gone off to Raliegh to see her children and in her age forgot to account for poor fluffy the cat.... and I am thankful for my nosy family and knowing that I will never be "Lost" or gone "Without a Trace".

rite of passage

My 11 year old has reached a childhood milestone. She has had her heart broken and I cannot do anything about it. Before now, I could go beat up the bad guys, rescue her and make it all better. I am useless today. Whatsmore.. she handled it better than I did.

Jasmin didnt get the part in the play. She tried her best. I mean she really tried. She chose a part in our church's christmas program that none of her friends wanted (pretty smart for a kid who has less talent than enthusiasm) She memorized THE ENTIRE PART. Word for word. She learned every song and cue in the production.She listened to the recording EVERY NIGHT ALL NIGHT LONG.And then... she stood before the audition "commitee" and did all she could do. But after everything... she is the understudy.

Being her mom Im secretly hoping that the overstuffed caterpillar that got the part gets pneumonia the week of the play... I am also wondering if the judging was totally fair since the leprachan ( I want to call her worse names.. because she really isn't a very nice little girl.. she is mean to Jasmin and is very badly behaved in general. ) that got the part's parent was on the audition "committee" My kneejerk reaction was to march up to the director and give him my opinion of his "commitee". I mean really, even if you arent allowed to score your own child, if you know that she wants a certain part, wouldn't you be more likely to score other children in contention for it.. just a squooch lower? I know I would.. thats why Steven and I declined an invitation to be on the committee.

I thought that Jasmin would be a sad case last night after the parts were announced. But she was like the Susan Lucci of the christmas play world. She smiled and clapped for her. And then came home from church and PLAYED THE DARN PLAY AGAIN. When I asked what she was doing she said " Well.. she COULD get sick... it IS flu season." I walked away shaking my head.

What if we ALL smiled and clapped in the face of dissapointment? What if we could be gracious when our enemy triumphed? Even when they get undeserved reward? I cant rescue Jasmin this time.. and it is likely that she will not play 'grandmother star' in the christmas production. But by watching her handle this situation with grace and maturity, I am encouraged as a mom... I am doing my job. She is a good person... and I am challenged by her to be a better person. To stand tall in the shadow of adversity and always remember.. even when it is dark, all is not lost. After all... it IS flu season!!!

requests

my sister requested that I blog this story...

My husband is dark.. like Abu from Saudi Arabia dark. I have been asked by my midwest family if he was part black? middle eastern? mexican? Steven and his brothers all have deep olive skin and black hair... a lot of it. They are some hairy people. And Steven? hmm he is exceptional when it comes to hairiness. He is also short and solid. Much like a gorrilla. You must know this in order to visualize the story.

One fall saturday Steven the girls and I were on a trip to Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia. We love to make little adventures and being from Alaska I had never really been to a BIG zoo like Riverbanks. Steven had been documenting as he is often apt to do. Videoing miles and miles, hours and hours of boring footage to fill up our house with.

As the day wore on we became more and more annoyed with his face constantly being attatched to a camera and had begun to pester him to put it away

The zoo was very crowded, and the day had begun to get rather warm. So we decided that a visit to the Gorilla house to rest would be a good idea. We viewed the outside enclosure and watched a HUGE male gorrilla prance and jump around in the yard. The signage indicated that because of one of the females "heat" the male gorrilla was particularly aggressive and that he should not be provoked.... little did we know how easily that would happen!

We joined a pretty large group of families that we had been touring unofficially with and entered the inside viewing area. There were benches around the outside perimeter and several interactive exhibits that kids could enjoy. There was also a wall sized plexiglass window looking into the gorilla's "home". It consisted of various levels of platforms and hay piles for resting, as well as hanging ropes and toys. There were about 5 smaller females sleeping or staring back at us and the one enormous fellow who had seemingly calmed down. He was sitting quietly with his back to the crowd.

Other familes obviosly had been looking for a place to rest, and juice boxes and animal crackers were produced from more than one knapsack. While our children enjoyed thier lukewarm applejuice and granola bars, Steven amused himself filling up the last of the first of our 90 minute video tapes. He began to interact with one particular female who was sitting very close to the window. Getting really good footage and even standing on the bench to place his hand against the window to avoid the glare of the plexiglass. She was equally amused by Steven and moved even closer to the glass.

Then to the audience's delight, Big Daddy Gorrilla noticed what appeared to be a short, stocky, dark and hairy would be suitor approaching one of his women. In a flash he turned and stood on his hind feet. Hair prickling he raised his arms above his head. He opened his mouth and barred his sharp teeth.... screamed a guteral animalistic yowl..... and charged Steven. Who up until that moment had been oblivious to Big Daddy. You can only imagine the movement that took place!

Steven suddenly became accutely aware... in one fell swoop , screaming like a hollywood movie starlett in a B movie, he jumped.. not back or away. but OVER the bench, stumbling over the now hilarious crowd, juice boxes and animal crackers went flying. I laughed so hard I nearly needed oxygen.

Had I been running the camera, and had it trained on Steven and what took place above him, wed have made large amounts of money on America's Funniest Home Movies, but unfortunatly on our video you see a peacefull gorrilla, adn then suddenly you hear a scream and then the movement of Steven running away.... good times :)

dining room table

We bought a dining room table. To many this may not seem like a huge deal. But its something we didnt have.. and somthing I felt like we needed as a family. We have a very small kitchen/dining area, so I searched long until I found what would fit there. Even the one I did find is a sqooch to big. But we slide it against the wall in the daytime. Its black and white and wood grained. Not fancy and by no means expensive. But it has made a difference.

We are a mixed family. Caitlin and I, Steven and Jasmin. Caitlin and I were alone when Steven found us... and Jasmin needed us. She was without a mommy and my baby needed a Daddy. Both had the biological parents that had created them. But neither had what they needed. Steven and I were wounded by our pasts and our broken relationships, doing our best, but missing something.

Slowly we have been blending together. A little at a time. With each year that passes feeling a little more confident and a little more sure.We have been creating traditions, things for our children to cling to and remember to adulthood.

We take a vaction every spring, go someplace as a family and make memories. We put up our christmas tree early the weekend after thanksgiving and take it down early.. mostly Christmas day after the presents are all open and before we gorge ourselves on a fancy dinner at my parents house. We go to the movies together and to the zoo... we go to church on sundays and nap as a family in the afternoon... and now we eat together every night... at the table.

We had been eating separately.. some in the livingroom watching television, some in the kitchen at a kiddie table doing homework or listening to adult conversation.... but now? We turn everything off, we talk to one another and learn about one anothers days and what we want for the future. My girls are learning ettiquitte and table manners... its been amazing.

According to statisics children that eat at the table as a family 5 times a week are less liekly to try drugs.. less likely to have permisquious sex and have 25% higher SAT scores... I am determined to give my girls every opportunity to do well. So yahoo for dining room tables!

Potato Soup recipe

I promised friends Id post a Potato Soup recipe I used last night. It is YUMMY! Even the kids ate it.

Potato Soup

4 medium stalks of celery cleaned and diced fairly small
1/2 medium onion diced
1 lb of bacon diced and fried (reserve 3 tbsp bacon grease)
2 large baking potato
2 cans of chicken broth
1/2 pint heavy whipping cream
1 cup potato flakes
black pepper to taste

sour cream
shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup green onion diced


In a large soup pot on a medium heat warm bacon fat and add celery and onion.Cook until semi soft (about 15 minutes) Add diced potato and 1/2 of bacon pieces. Pour in chicken broth and add black pepper. Bring to soft boil and cover. Cook until potatoes are soft (about 30 mintues) uncover and allow to cool. Add whipping cream and slowly bring to a slow boil. Right before seving add potato flakes to thicken. Garnish as you would your favorite baked potato with sour cream, shredded cheese, bacon crumbles, and diced green onion.

**The recipe called to add 1 cup of diced carrots when you cook the celery and onion. But my huband thinks carrots are satanic. But I bet they'd add a good flavor.
*** Do NOT salt this soup. The chicken broth and the bacon provide plenty of salt.

Pink Eye & Popcicle Sticks

Yesterday was the stuff nightmares are made of. The original plan was to clean up some around the house, feed Dalton lunch, and head to the church to help with the Music department's annual Chicken Bog sale, grab our bog plates on the way home and have a relaxing evening...unfortunatly nothing went as planned.

At about 10 am I got the call. It said "Dillon District 2" I said the prayer every mommy says when the caller ID indicates a school nurse call "Please God not head lice, not head lice not head lice..." I held my breath until the nice school nurse said. "I think your kindergartener has pink eye" PINK EYE? PHEW! Is that all?" That lady thinks I am a crazy person.

So we recovered the baby girl.. and HOLY HELL! How did I miss that weepy oozing totally bright red eye? The thing was practically swollen shut. I am a terrible mother. I even washed her face and brushed her hair that morning! poor baby.

Fortunatly Dalton's grandmother was able to keep him for the afternoon. I hated to pawn him off on anyone, but I really didnt want him getting Pink Eye. Instead I sat in a pediatricians office with a whiny girl who didnt want to be kept still and not play with the other kids in the room. Every mother in the room looked at her as if she had the plague.I guess helping with Chicken bog was not in the cards for the day.

While we were being seen I decided to have the Dr. look at Caitlin's foot. Last weekend she was walking barefoot in my parents house. They have a pug who loves to chew things.. and she had chewed a popcicle stick and left a piece sticking up from the carpet. With her luck my baby found it, and stepped on it, and it impaled her foot, leaving a trail of splinters. Now between my husband, my mom and my dad and I I thought we had gotten them all. Not so. When Dr. Rodriguez looked at the spot she felt around and looked closely, and found a HUGE piece of wood deep in the tissue of the ball of the foot. UGH! It required removal with a scalpel, and irrigation with a syringe, and packing, and a bandage, that cant be wet for 3 days.

By the time we got away from there it was to late to pick up chicken bog plates even for OUR dinner. So I made potato soup and breadsticks (I will post the recipe) from a recipe I found in a magazine. WHAT A DAY!

More vacation stuff

I cant decide where to go. Its wide open really. Steven has given me total control over where we go on vaction this year. He doesnt care as long as he doesnt have to mow anything or go to work.

For me.. I am totally tempted to just go back to Disney World. Its my perfect vacation. I love amusement parks, and having everything taken care of. If you go to WDW, stay onsite and order the "dining plan". Everything is included and paid for. You park your car outside your hotel room and there it sits. You ride busses everywhere you want to go. They pick you up in front of the hotel and run every 20 minutes till 4 am. You have a little card that allows wach person in your family to eat one nice sit down meal and one fast food meal as well as an ice cream treat or popcorn every day... wich frankly is a LOT of food.

Disney is FAT friendly. (I am fat and my husband is fat so fat friendly is very important.) You have to be REAL big to not fit on almost any ride.. even space mountain. wich is like a tube with seats.

The only problem? Weve been there twice in 3 years. Do I really want to do Disney again? grrrr I dunno. The little kid is game. She loves that place almost as much as I do. A tiny adrenaline junkie is what she is. The bigger kid? She would have fun... but she is a chicken hearted ride avoider BIG time. Anything less mild than... the teacups is to much for her. So WDW doesnt hold as much for her now that we have seen all the shows ect.

Other options I have explored are. A Carnival cruise to the Bahamas.. equally expensive and all inclusive. There is just an underlying fear of 5 days of constant motion sickness. EWWW I cant handle it. I have looked at Mexico resorts and going to Hawaii.

My sister lives in Alaska, and were airfares not so high thats where we'd head. While not all inclusive we wouldnt have to shell out cash for a hotel, as my childhood best friend lives there as well as my sister and a close Aunt. Not to mention I am very familiar with the area and what to do/where to eat for cheap.

Visiting DC. That is probably what we will end up doing. Every American needs to visit DC once. Neither Steven nor I have been and our girls are a good age for it. Old enough to understand the signifigance and young enough to still enjoy seeing a museum with Mom and Daddy.

Soooo.. I am researching an anti-vacation.. Eww... I want a mickey bar and to ride Splash mountain.. WAHHHHHHHHHH

The Saddest Day

Thursday September 29, 2005 a 17 year old named Brad killed himself.

Wednesday September 28,2005 the only words I had for him were. "Why cant yall sit still for 30 minutes?."

Steven and I work with the youth group in our church. We attend activites with them, friday
nights after football games, monday night gym jams and wednesday night youth meetings. Most of the time we end up walking outside patroling the parking lot and keeping the peace. Working "Security" and keeping an eye on couples hiding in dark corners.

During services most of the youth workers honestly dont pay much attention to the kids. They sit amoung our "core kids", and concentrate on the message ect.. But Steven and I have made a habbit of sitting amoung the non-church kids. The skaters and the thugs who attend only on wednesday nights. At first they balked to our pressence, but after a time they have begun to accept that we will sit amoung them every single week, and it is far better to be called down by one of us rather than Rodney calling them out in service.

This past wednesday was like any other week. Except for the fact that there were over 200 present. As usual there was a separation,core youth churchy type kids on one side, thugs and non -churchy type kids on the other. I took my seat beside the girls with Brad and his buddy Ryan directly behind me to my left. Ryan had his feet proped on my chair and kept inching it forward. I turned in exasperation and asked Brad why they couldnt sit still "for a 30 minute sermon when they could sit for a 3 hour movie?" He grinned at me and played what I said off.

Sunday at his funeral Pastor Rodney spoke about the "What if's" and related this loss to the loss of Lazurus to Martha and Mary. I know that very likely there is nothing that I could have said to him that would have changed the outcome of thursday evening. There isnt anything differnt I could have done. Still it has given me a change of heart.

I am resolving to make a differece in the lives of these kids. I resolve to learn as many of thier names as I can and to make sure that each and every one that I come into contact with knows that I am someone that he or she can trust. I resolve to make every single kid know that they matter, and that they can count on me. I reolve it. We will not lose another one.