2 years

Today is the two year anniversary of the day that Steven and I were married. Our actual wedding anniversary is March 27. But 2 years ago today in front of only my immediate family in our little living room, we set things right. A friend from work came and said the most meaningful prayer and we spoke our vows.

Our actual wedding was beautiful. The cake, the flowers, my sister sang some amazing stiring music. My dress was perfect and the girls were so pretty. I even had my best friend all the way from Alaska to stand beside me.

But when I think of when Steven and I were married, my first thought is to that quiet moment in our living room, where everyone else that was actually in the room disapeared.

Recently I was thinking about that day, and praying for Steven. I saw that evening,As we stood there and our friend prayed.I noticed all the other people in the room.I saw all the "partners" from my past who had come to stand behind me.one after one they filed in.I saw Caitlin's biological father and another man whom I'd been engaged to. I saw my first boyfriend and the man id been dating when i met Steven. Each of them holding a piece of my "heart". Behind Steven, I saw his ex wife, and other women I knew he'd been with, each holding pieces of his heart.I began to panic. I certainly did not want to "marry" all of those people, and I did not want to force Steven to "marry" my past.I wanted to scream at "us" not to do it. It was at that moment that I realized the seriousness of purity. The commitment of marriage and the spiritual bond. Its so much more than just words, and nothing to do with cakes, dresses and rings.

I had to admit that I brought far more than myself to our marriage. I prayed for forgiveness for my past. For giving away what should have been Steven's. It was an amazingly freeing moment.I had been saved for years and had rededicated my life two years before. But this was something new. It gave me a different look at Steven, and at our commitment. God is so good.

I guess that might be why I feel such a burden for teenagers.They are at the place where I was where I began to give away things that didnt belong to me.



"I take you to be my cherished spouse. I promise to walk beside you in days of adversity as well as in days of great happiness.To be your help in creating a home for our family. To offer you a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on and a heart that understands. I pledge to you my undying love and constant faithfulness as your partner in ALL things. I promise to love you as an act of my will in the
presence OR absence of romantic love every single day. I commit to this promise wholly, and without reservation."

Book em' Dann-o

This weekend was the begining of the transition with the youth at our church. Rodney is gone and I will shock people by saying I am glad.. not that I didnt love Rodney and Tara. And not that I feel like they didnt do a good job. But I have been feeling the "winds of change" for some time now. I have felt the need for something different in my spirit for a long while.. maybe since the end of summer. It was like the house is built, now bring in a decorator. I'd never say that outloud, espcially right now while people are feeling so wounded by Rodney's departure.

It has amazed me at how much this youth ministry means to me. I didnt expect the burden that I feel. I certainly didnt expect to feel responsible for what happens there. But I do. It has to be a God thing. Because usually kids are my thing...like little kids. Its so amazing what God can do when he wants to make a change. I have all this experience with little kids. Puppet training and years of kids camps and VBS and missions trips to minister to 3rd world kids... yet I dont feel guilty one little bit for not working with the kids here. I fought it hardcore... even going as far as begining talks with Pastor Scott to get a puppet team started. I just cant get into it.

This weekend we met with the pastoral staff that is going to take care of things in the interim. Some people are talking.. saying that pastor Dority is not planning to find a youth pastor, and just leave things as they are now. Im not feeling that at all. Ive been praying for God to send us a fresh annointing and someone that is on fire.

We talked about a lot of security stuff. To be honest it was pretty depressing to hear. I hate that its necesary, and while I know that it's serious stuff. I absolutely hate the attitude that some people have. They are parents who attend maybe one youth activity a month. They arent invested in these kids and then they dominate the conversation with gloom and doom. Even going as far as to imply that the "problem" kids arent welcome. That we should tailor our youth ministry for the "church core kids" and do what we can to keep the riffraff out. It broke my heart. Of course there was nothing direct said. No one came out and said it in plain english, but thats the implication that was made.

I hate to tell "them" that Jesus did not hang out with the "church core kids" In fact he would have sat right in the midst of the "riff raff". I try to imagine him walking with them or sitting with them on the grass outside. He loves the church core kids... but they arent the ones that need to be reached. I dont mean to ignore them. I love those kids. I was one of them growing up. I want to reel MORE in to become core kids. But that wont happen unless we work with the riff raff.

A lot of changes are coming.. private security, and a metal detecting wand. The staff is finally being nailed down to actually HELP and hang with the kids. I will admit, I have been guilty of hiding in the kitchen and not taking as big a part as I should. But I do patrol outside, and walk around, Steven and I are almost always he last to leave. On wednesday nights I always sit in the middle of the kids. I hope that its as dramatic as Im hoping it will be.

a little ha ha for you

just one more...


Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned woman, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for a line-less tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

Happy Elizabeth's Birthday

Today is my best friend's 30th birthday. Somehow I am finding great glee in the fact that today is her birthday and not mine... well that SHE is 30, and I am still 29. Its sick, but I like it.. and I figure anything that makes you have a good day that isnt phamastical, or illegal is a pretty good thing huh? When she turned 16 first, I said to her "one day you'll be 30 first too.. and I will love it" turns out I was right. I do.

Elizabeth is my one true good best friend. I have several other people to whom I have been attatched to in my life... Joshua, and Amy H... and now my husband. But she is the one person I know loves me no matter what. No matter how long were apart we pick up right where we left off as if we only paused in our conversation.

She has proven herself. I know her. I know her tastes, her humor and her past. I know she loves lemons, and junk food. I know she likes old movies and that she eats onions and garlic and likes warm places and reading books. And she knows me.

I was in her wedding.. and she was in mine. We have been in eachothers lives since we were in the same kindergarten class.. we became best friends later than that, but still. She was there. When my Nana and Papa died she was there.Holding my head on when I thought it might blow off.

When my then fiance called from Saudi Arabia at 4 am and broke things off a few weeks before our wedding, my fingers dialed her number automatically without giving a thought to the hour. Her new husband was shocked im sure.. but she listened to me cry and never once said "I told you so" even though she had.

When I was floundering in self distruction, she didnt point it out, and when I dated jerk after jerk she listened to me as I justified my relationships. She was the person I called first when I found out I was pregnant with Thing 2 , and she didnt judge.. I knew I was safe with her. I still do.

Everyone needs one true good best friend. Im so glad I have mine... and that she is thirty.. and I am 29.. for 6 more months.

literary spillage

I dont really have anything specific to blog today.. nothing profound to say... not even a recipe to tempt my dieting friend with.. so you get random life stuff.

Last night was Pastor Rodney's last wednesday night with the kids. Youd think that they'd have been on best behavior. But not so. They were exceptionally bad. In fact I dont remember them acting out as badly as they did last night in a long time. Sad really. Im sure he will be glad to get gone from them. Makes me a little concerned for the future. Our kids pastor Scott is taking over, planning to make a lot of changes. Im a little nervous about that too. He is all about rules and regulations, and I am afraid that we will lose a lot of our kids if it gets to strict. But themn what kind of ministry are we doing if all we ever get to do is make sure that they arent killing one another, doing drugs on premesis, or worse. Im praying that it will be smoother than I imagine that its going to be.

Thing 2 is acting strangely. She is hungry all the time.. I mean like tapeworm hungry, but as soon as she eats she cries that her tummy hurts. She isnt constipated, and she doesnt want to throw up. But she acts like it really hurts. Im confused. I may have to end up tkaing her to the dr if it doesnt get better.

We talked to steven's ex last night.. it appears that the state has screwed us once again. Her tax refunds are sopposed to be coming to us to catch up back child support, but the way it looks to her tax preparer, nothing was done. They suck. I dont understand why it is so hard for them to understand that a man actually has custody of his child. Its not brain surgery, but there it is. GRRR once again, my vacation chances foiled.

The little man was a wild thing yesterday. He spilled things, he made messes and he threw fits. I was exhausted at the end of the day. I dont remember caitlin being this wild, ever. Mom says not even close. Maybe I want to reconsider my choice to try for another baby? I might get a little boy. they are scary.

The Age of Dinosaurs

" I love you, You love me.
We're a happy family
With a great big HUG and a Kiss
from me to you!
Wont you say you love me too?"

The time has finally come. The day is here, and I could not be happier. The Little man has officially discoverd BARNEY. Today we have watched "Barney's Imagination Island" twice and "BARNEY UNPLUGGED LIVE IN NY" in a constant loop. I love that purple guy.

Years ago, when I first discovered Thing 2 was on her way, I swore. To ALL that is holy, that no child of mine would be watching any mindless sappy purple dinosuar. There would be no barney sheets, lampshades or purple plushy animals. Most of all I would not waste the brain power of my daughter with that STUPID DINOSAUR. She even wore a tiny onesie that read "To Hip For Purple Dinosaurs."

And I did pretty well. I found "Baby Einstien" and classic Mickey Mouse. I put brain music on the cd player and read to her nonstop. Then it happened, one sunday morning when Caitlin was about 18 months old. I was flipping through channels, truely at the end of my Mommy rope. When passing the public television channel,I paused. I swear, only for a second to see if Sesame Street was on. But I was tooo late. There he was. Barney. A disgustingly bright and cheerful shade of Purple and singing about how special this was or how "super-de-dooper" that was. Thing 2 stopped mid scream. Dropped her sippy cup and tilted her head to the left, her eyes got glassy and She approached the tv with wonder.A huge smile appeared on her face. She began to rock back and forth to the unoriginal music. I was in big big trouble.

From that day forward we were a Barney household. When Steven and I began dating instead of the typical flowers, candy, and other meaningless love tokens, he brought me new barney tapes... and fed Thing 2's addiction.

She eventually grew out of the old purple guy. I've missed him. He and his companions BJ and Babybop lay abbandoned at the bottom of the stuffed animal crate, and her favorite Barney Pillow that I once ventured out in a rainstorm to recover from the van is no longer a sleep neccesity. In fact The little man slept on it this afternoon. I know that Thing 2's childhood wont last forever, it wont last long at all, but I will cling to it for all I am worth...

"Hey boys and girls! lets sail for Imagination island. get your hat, and hoist the mainsail... babybop dont forget your blankie!"

Hello? GPC dept? There has been a mistake.

I am begining to think that I have been touched by the "Generational Parental Curse" The GPC as I shall call it, is that epithet muttered by every parent in moments of exasperation and consternation. "I hope you have one ten times as bad as you." Only I am afraid something has gone terribly awry. I have recieved my younger sister's GPC!
As adults my sister and I have FINALLY found our friendship. I have grown far fonder of her in recent years than I was growing up. In fact since her move home to Alaska last summer, I miss that girl far more than I care to admit. I grieve for the years we lost fighting. But I love knowing that I am making a friend in her.I am proud of who she is and of her amazing musical talent. I love her very much. Now that I have made my mother bawl, I'll get back to what I was saying (Tina? I WIN.)
But as a kid and teenager? My younger sibling was emotionally delicate . She cried... all the time, over almost everything. Ask any number of my childhood friends to impersonate my kid sister growing up and they will without exception screw up thier faces and let out a whiney cry and say "I just dont feel good you guys.. leave me alone." With migrane headaches and likely mild depression. I'm sure she didnt feel good most of the time.. whatsmore, I wasnt the most understandng of sisters.. but what teenager is truely sypathetic to thier bratty kid sister? I didnt understand why she was so emotional all of the time. At that time I was somthing of a "cold fish" I didnt do emtotion and even now I know how to turn it off.
Through college I dreaded mornings. She HATED to get out of bed in the morning.. Granted, we did live in Alaska, and it was COLD. Even today, she drags herself from the covers and I think.. that were it acceptable for a grown woman to whine and throw fits? She throw the occasional one and return to her bed.Tina loves to sleep and I dont fault her for it. Its who she is.

if growing up with a crying whiney sister and not being nice about it is the joke?

here is the punchline....

Thing 2 is a walking breathing clone of my sister.

Thing 2 is in a "stage".(God help me if it isnt just a stage) That kid cries about everything. Her heart is shattered into a million pieces and she produces real tears at the drop of a hat. The weather isnt right, the dog is in her way, The little man pinched her, (ok so he DOES pick on Thing 2 for no apparent reason.Its the strangest thing. He is sweet to everyone else, but to Thhing 2? He is devil incarnate.)I am at a loss as to what to do for her.
This morning drew me so quickly back to my teen years I had to check myself to really believe that I was standing in my own hallway and not in the bathroom of the house I grew up in! Thing 2 did not under any circumstances want to go to school. She began wimpering as soon as she heard me wake her sister in the next room. She begain wailing in earnest when I stood in her doorway and informed her that this was friday and the 100th day of kindergarden, and that she needed to get out of bed so she and her father could go to the grocery store to buy 100 goldfish crackers to share with her classmates. Her response was. "I HATE 100 DAYS CELEBRATIONS. I hate school. AND I hate the jeans you layed out for me to wear today. They are "poofy" and I wont wear them." All of this was sqwawked at me before she even opened her eyes. When I informed her that yes she would be attending school and that the levis I had layed out were exactly like every other pair she owned and that she WOULD be wearing them.. the tears began to flow. She lay on the couch, turned to face inward and began to sob. Giant crocodile tears. Heartwrenching awful hicough causing tears. I think the GPC people need to check thier records. This is not funny.

the Score. IRS 1 Michele 0

<
Well folks, we won the battle, but lost the war. Steven and I went to the local IRS office today. I presented them with our bill, our income and our output. I gave them our dependants and our credit score... I even offered them Dalton (funny they didnt even blink when I tried it.. I wasnt serious. SHEESH)

The outcome was ok.. not what Id hoped for...wich was a blank slate and a pat on the head telling me to "do better next time". But ok. We still owe the IRS $6,898.32. That fact remains.. and I was repeatedly reminded of this fact throughout the process. BUT the IRS will not garnish Steven's unemployment wages. They will also not require a monthly payment of us. We fall so deeply within the poverty level that we essentially have more bills monthly than we make... In fact when the little lady did all the input it came out that the IRS should actually be paying us a little over a dollar a month. When she brought her supervisor over to examine that fact she laughed heartily and said "ohh no that CANT be right." Personally I think it WAS right, but who am I?

In the end it came out.. we owe them our income tax refund every single year until the bill is paid off. It will still collect penalties and interest (24% yearly) until we pay them all of "thier" money. With all of our little EIC and child credits that should only take 2 years.

Stupidheads.

No vacation for Michele

Wahhhhh.

Grey's Anatomy

Ok. So "Grey's Anatomy" was SO good last night. Dr. Mcdreamy was soo dreamy. Its been a long long time since someone on tv has made me wanna swoon..Lemee tell ya girls.. he is a hottie... mabe a little short for my tastes but nonetheless dreamy. I tried explaining to my hairstylist who "Meredith" was so she could give me that sexy tousled look.. didnt go so well, now I just have perpetual bad hair days.

In case you are like.. um totally from another planet. Grey's is a show on CBS on sunday nights. It is following 5 surgical interns who live and work in in Seattle Washington. It is fab. I really love it.Its sooo much better than ER ever hoped to be... and believe me I LOVED ER. If you ARE in fact from another planet and are not familiar with the show go to www.cbs.com/greysanatomy to get the scoop and then start watchin! Youre really missing out on some of possibly the best stuff on tv. YAY

la cucracha OLE'!

We never went to Florence today.. ended up napping and watching public television till midafternoon.We recently rearranged the living room furniture and WALAH! We can get 4 channels of public tv. It wasnt a bad thing either. I LOVE cooking shows and saturdays all all full of obscure non-foodnetwork shows.. including Julia Child (How awesome is SHE?), Yan Can Cook, and a really fun one with the guys who own Carrabas Italian resturant (there is one at the beach.I WILL eat there next time Im at the beach). Then there was one I hadnt see before. A neat show called "America's Test Kitchen" came on and showed how to make authentic enchiladas and mexican rice nearly from scratch.. I figured hmmm "I can do that" (famous last words huh?). So like a terd of hertles we were off to the grocery store.

It wasnt really that hard. Mexican cooking is all about layering flavors, and I had a pretty good recipe to follow.AND I had my MAGIC BULLET BLENDER. That thing is the absolute BEST.Anyone who cooks at all needs one.

The Mexican rice is AWESOME. So easy and tastes JUST like the stuff you get at a really awesome mexican resturant or at this neat place I ate at in Mazatlan in college.

Mexican Rice Recipe

2 cups long grain rice
1 can chicken stock
4 tsp minced garlic (I used the stuff from a jar)
1 medium white onion pureed
2 meduim very ripe tomato pureed
1-2 jalapeno peppers seeded and viened then pureed
1 TBSP tomato paste
1 tsp salt
1/3 cup chopped cilantro
juice of 1/2 lime
1/3 cup CANOLA oil

In a collander rinse the rice until the water runs clear.Drain well. IN a deep pan (like a frying pan with high sides.. this is important so the rice will cook evenly)add the oil and heat until very hot. Add a few grains of rice and when they sizzle its hot enough. Add the rice and the garlic. Stir constantly until the rice is toasted. It will not turn colors, but it will make a "clicky noise" in the pan.

Add the chicken stock and the pureed veggies. Salt to taste. Stir all of this well and then cover. Place in an oven preheated to 350 for 45 minutes. Stir halfway.
Before serving mix in cilantro and squeeze lime over the top.


Enchilada Recipe.

I cant say that I will do this again. It takes forever long and the canned sauce is just as good. I liked mine better than the local Mexican resturants though.

1 large can plain tomato sauce
1 can rotell diced tomato with chiles
1/2 cup of chile powder (seems like a lot but you need it all)
1 onion pureed
2 tsp minced garlic (again with the jar)
1 tsp salt
3 medium chicken breasts sliced
1 can chicken stock
3 tbsp canola oil
3 cups shredded cheddar cheese
2 cups mexican mix cheese shredded
1 cup pureed cilantro
10-20 corn tortillas
pam spray

sour cream, guacamole, lettuce, diced tomato..

In a deep pan add oil and heat to hot. Add garlic and chile powder to make a paste. Cook for a few seconds stiring constantly. This brings out the flavor of the chiles
Add the chicken and stir well. Add the salt,tomato sauce, chicken stock, and Rotell.

Cook this until the chicken is done though.

Strain through a collander reserving both the sauce and the chicken.

In a separate bowl add cilantro and shredded cheddar to cooled chicken. Mix well

Spray both sides of the tortillas with Pam and place in a hot oven for 4-5 mintes until warm and pliable.

In the bottom of a lasagna pan place 1 cup of the sauce

fill tortillas wil chicken mixture and roll tightly. Place side by side until the pan is full. Top with remaining sauce and 2 cups of Mexican cheese mix

cover with foil and bake at 375 45 minutes.
serve with sour cream,guacamole and lettuce.
tasty.


It was an experience, and I can say that I did it well. But honestly. The canned stuff is just as good.. and not so messy.

Now I am listening to the COLD COLD wind blow and the trailer creak and moan. flannel jammies and hot tea. Feels so good.

Cheap date day

Its saturday. Our kids are absorbing junk food, second hand smoke, and hours of mindless cable tv cartoons at my Inlaws.. and we have very little money to entertain ourselves..I already cooked a nice breakfast and we spent the morning watching cartoons and relaxing.

I think we will ride to Florence. Visit Books A Millon (our poor excuse for B&N)get some coffees and browse till we are bored or fed up watching people.
And then go the mall so I can go to Bath and Body works. They have a huge sale on this week. All thier antibacterials are 5 for $10.. fantastic deal. YAY.Then maybe eat a late lunch at SONIC.. mmmm cheeseburgers.

then maybe head back to Dillon to see a movie at the movie theatre here in town. since we can see them here for free.. the only thing accaptable playing is "Fun with Dick and Jane" though. So if we decide to see a movie we might splurge and see one in Florence. Matinee for sure though! Ill have to look at the SwampFox Cinemas website to see if anything worth my precious cash is playing.I wish I could talk Steven into seeing "Brokeback Mountain" but he has already informed me that there will be no Gay Cowboys allowed. Stupidhead.

Or I think we have a netflix movie due in the mail today. "Little Black Book." We could come back home snuggle in and watch that. I even think I have some popcorn... ohh and spaghetti for dinner... or maybe we'll do both... ohhhh the options!!

I love kids free saturdays. Hope your weekend is equally as free and wonderful.

I see you baby...

So... I got something new on my blog. Im generally computer semi-literate. BUT I am figureing out this particular site. I added a counter and a site tracker thingee to my blog.(note the small pink and purple box atthe bottom of the screen) So now, when you visit, I see who you are, what time you came, how long you stayed, what your social security number is and if you changed your underwear this morning... just kidding. Its kinda neato to see how many people actually read this drivle.

yahoo for techno geeks like me.

Cautious Optimism

"I can see clearly now the rain is gone... I can see all the obstacles in my way.."


Things are looking a little better today. Our PC is feeling better. It isnt back to normal yet.. its formatted for a flat screen monitor, so all the pages look all foopy. Bendy and wierd. But it works, and thats what matters. THANK YOU PASTOR RANDY!!! (We love that guy)

Today Steven had his hearing with the unemployment people. We feel OK about it.They asked questions that Steven was able to answer honestly. His boss was the other party and he answered honestly also. We are praying for the best and hoping for complete approval.. send positive energy, prayers, money... our way :)


Still nothing on the job front. There just isnt much in Dillon.

I am gathering the needed paperwork for the IRS. Just waiting for DSS to come through with some papers and old check stubb copies I need and then we can go and plead our case to them... nervous about it.BUT at least the very worst that they could do would be to take our 2005 refund... it would be lame for sure, but we'd survive it.

Anywho.. things are looking better. Thank the Lord.

Sombody get the Girl an Umbrella

You know how they say "When it rains it pours."? Well I do not rightly know who "they" are.. but "they" are correct.


We owe the IRS... almost $7000 ($7 bazillion). Shocked? Me too. Thats over half of what we made last year. We got the bill last week.Seems that the State of Alaska has kindly fogiven me my student loan bill. How nice of them right? I wasnt paying it... had no ability to. But they were so sweet and just wiped that bill clean. I knew about this. I did a little happy dance and filed the little letter they sent informing me of thier kindness away.

Stupidheads.


It was taxable income.


I didnt know about that... so I filed our very first joint income tax thingee online last year... I didnt include that information.We got a super nice refund, and went to Disneyworld with it..

Stupid mouse.


So anyway with all that "free" money Alaska gave me. We were in a rich person tax bracket. Lame.

So tommorow we are going to file whats called an OIC. And hope that the very very nice lady/man in the IRS office will like me and steven a lot. And that "they" will agree that since we are living on unemployment and foodstamps that we will be more than totally screwed if we have to come up with $7 bazillion dollars. AND that furthermore we will not be likely able to EVER pay it all off even if we have an "easy low monthly payment" since the IRS has like a 23% interest rate. PRAY folks. I need them to REALLY like me.


That brings us further to the unemployment. Blanton Supplies appealed the payment of Steven's unemploymemnt


Stupidheads

So he has an over the phone hearing on friday. According to the paper they sent there is a possibility that not only could the benefits STOP? We may have to pay back the benefits they have paid us so far. Holy CRAP!!! I say.. since we have like less than no money.. especially since we owe the IRS like $7 bazzillion dollars.

The youth pastor that we work under at the church resigned. He is leaving the end of this month. It doesnt affect us financially at least. But we are really sad... and it creates a bunch of work.. and some very sad teenagers. Its lame.

Our computer is still dead.

Our electric wiring to the kitchen may or may not have been chewed by a mouse/mice.

I hate being a grown up.

technical difficulties

Our PC crashed. Im not sure how to fix it. It's windows and everytime I turn the thing on it gives me this scary, mean, blue screen that says UNMOUNTABLE BOOT VOLUME. And then a whole bunch of other stuff that I dont understand. It instructs me to logg on under "safe mode" and fix whatever is dissagreeing with it... however it wont do it.. noway huh uh no how. It acts like it might.. and then just send me back to the "bad place" It is one very sick machine.

Steven, who knows just enough about software to be dangerous, cant do anything with it either. His ex sister-in-law, our resident computer expert has not returned any of our calls.. it may be because I was kind of rude at xmas.. not totally rude.. just a teeny bit.. and not even to her. Just to Jaime. What did they expect coming to MY house on xmas day RIGHT AT DINNER TIME?

So anywho.. I did not die and I am not mad at anyone.. just technically challenged. lame. I hate it. Especially since I am just now getting into big time vacation planning.

We decieded that since Steven is unemployed, as soon as we get tax refunds back would be a smart time to take a vacation.. take advantage of the time off.. wich is risky. Because we are assuming that he will get a job shortly after we return. Otherwise we we will totally regret spending the money. I dont know what to do.


Ill have more news later... but be warned my blogging will be "spotty" for a while since the only computer access Ihave will be at my mom's.

love to you all :)

The Sounds of Silence

So, I am sitting here in quiet contemplation. The kids are farmed out.. Jasmin spent the night with my cousin and her kid.. and Caitie had to "take care of Nana's cold". Steven is selling fireworks for his Mother's company again today. He worked 3 10 hour days this week.. and likely to have an even longer day today. Hopefully he'll be home to ring in the New Year with me. :(


Anyway, back to quiet comtemplation. I, of course today, am thinking about the past year, and looking toward the new one. Most people do this in one way or another on new years eve.. so I am not alone.. just read my blogroll.

The past.

2005 all in all has been a decent year for us. I am so thankful

We have all been remarkably healthy. Steven did ave a quick run of pneumonia in January, but he had insurance, and sick days to use. So it wasnt traumatic. The girls havent had much to speak of. Caitie had pink eye once, and her tonsils out, oral surgery and one cold... believe me when I say.. for her? Thats remarkably good. Jasmin had a cold. And I had a quick one.. but nothing more.

We lost Steven's Aunt Mary, and Uncle John. But no one else. This year saw Steven's brother survive rare cancer. Today he is cancer free. I have family members who are growing old and I fear for them in 2006, but in 2005, all of our loved ones were safe.

We have a home. There are so many who lost thiers this year. The tragedy of the tsunami in Asia, and the awful losses from hurricane katrina make me so thankful for what we have... even if the floor is weak, the bathtub drains unexplicably slowly and youd better not turn on the ceiling fan in the livingroom.. it has a short. Every time I think about how I hate this tiny little trailer.. or the walls feel like they are closing in on me. I remind myself. "I did not have a 20 ft wall of water crash through my house this year".

We have a car. It has character. You have to try several times before it actually starts. The doors squeak so loudly that they can be heard through closed doors. (Steven calls them his "alarm system") But it runs. It is paid for.

We did lose Steven's job this year. It has been a devastating loss. I am a stay at home mom. So we went from one decent income to practically nothing in a split second. But, we are safe. Steven was not denied nor penalized in his unemployment. More important to Steven, the state could not find him at fault. Even they agree that is was nepotism and not poor work that caused his termination. So our bills are paid. We have food stamps and medicaid, and we did get a tiny bit behind to my Dad in the three weeks that we were without income. But its ok. He understands. And Tax refund checks will be on thier way very soon.

2006 the future

I love looking ahead to a clean slate. Knowing that there are mistakes that will be made is not frightening. I dont make "resolutions" setting myself up to feel inadequate from the start isnt such a good idea. I make goals.

This is the plan

This year I want to connect better with my kids. Stop the screaming and make better choices about discipline. Create teaching moments instead of spankings. I want to be more patient.

This year I want to be more healthy in my relationship with Jasmin's Mother. I need to deal with my issues of insecurity and let go of the past. I need to channel my dislike for her into helping Jasmin deal with what her mother has done to her. I need to remember that if it does not benefit Jasmin.. I should not say it.

This year I want to be more aware of my eating habits and to make excercize a priority for ALL of us.

This year I want to "harden" my shell when it comes to my Mother. To allow comments she makes about my child rearing to roll off my shoulders. To not allow myself to be hurt or annoyed when her opinion doesnt match with mine. I want to be less quick to jump and quicker to listen and then react.

Then there are set in stone resolutions that Im begining as new habits.. remember it takes 21 days to set a habit. Do it 21 days in a row and its yours

1. limit eating out to ONCE a week.
2. eliminate all regular soda. Drink only diet.
3. Drink 8 glasses of water a day.. thats three 16 oz water bottles.
4. take at least 15 minutes of time for ME a day. Even if it means getting up 15 mintes early
5. no more pajamas all day. get dressed. do my hair and make up, even wear shoes. We are not a hermit.
6. Read through the bible. If Marie McDowell can do it. I can

So there you have it. My thoughts and goals.. nothing remarkable. Just me trying to do better. Really, thats all anyone needs to do. Make this year better than the last, by just trying to do things better. ;)

Happy New Year.

The Best Babysitter on the Planet

The best babysitter on the planet


SIGH.


I wish that when you saw that caption that you'd see my picture. But alas and alack.. it is not so. I am not the babysitter that I once was. I used to bring toys and games and make cookies with my charges. I used to be in HIGH demand. When I was a teenager I babysat every single weekend and school holiday. I had preferd clients and gave them heads-up when a new family was calling me.

Then I had my own kids. Now I just add one more plate of hotdogs. I tell the kids to scot over so one more can see the tv.. or I scream from the kitchen to quit fighting and stop the banging.

I am a mom.. not unlike my mom. On our holidays we had 6 in the house. Every time. Michele, Tracy, Tina, Josh, Joe, and Melissa. And usually my best friend Elizabeth and maybe a neighbor kid or two. I really wonder how she did it without needing a strong drink.. or at least a bubblebath. I dont remember what she used to do while we all played.. maybe what I do now.. I dunno


All the tv shows are on vacation. I am going Crazy. Re-runs. everything, Ellen Degerners, Martha Stewart... all re-runs. BLAH. I just realized that the day they all come back is ALSO the day the kids go back to school. halalujah. That will be a good day.

official BTS countdown

a whole bunch o youngins

We are officially at T-minus 11 days and counting to BTS. All systems are go.


BTS... thats BACK TO SCHOOL. I am in near meltdown status. The picture above is a decent shot of the children that I am keeping during the winter vacation this year... give or take a child every day. I never know who I may or may not have on any given day. I feel like a drop in laundry... "Do you starch?" No, and furthermore, I cannot promise that your child will survive the day without being bitten, scratched or annoyed. They are likely to spend time in the dreaded "time out chair" and I also will not vouch for the nutrition of the meals they will eat. (we've either had hot dogs or pizza for lunch every single day)There will NOT be crafts, activities, or field trips. (Unless you count the four that I took to walmart yesterday to return some pants Caitlin got that didnt have a button) I realize that this is not an enriching environment.. but what do you want for $10 a day?


heard at my house in the last 5 hours

"STEE nite nite?" (translation? Is steven still asleep?)
YES
"Can we watch Princess diaries 2 AGAIN?"
NO
"Stee nite nite?" (Again Is Steven still asleep?)
YES
"Is it lunch time yet?"
NO
"Stee sh-ow?" (translation? Is Steven in the shower?)
YES
"Is it lunch time yet, and if its not lunch time yet can we watch Princess Diaries 2 again?"
NO
"Stee bye bye?" (translation? Did Steven LEAVE Michele alone with all these kids?)
YES
"Can we watch Princes Daires 2 AGAIN?"
NO
FOR THE LAST TIME TAKE "HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME" OFF THE REPEAT ON THE CD PLAYER
NO YOU CANNOT TAKE THE 200 LB DOG FOR A WALK
NO YOU CANNOT MAKE PRANK CALLS
NO YOU CANNOT MAKE COOKIES (AAAKKK!)
NO ALL OF YOU MAY NOT TAKE A BUBBLE BATH TOGETHER

....

........


get ready for it


.......................


"well then can we watch Princess Diaries 2 again?

silence


.....

............


................

yes

God Bless Us Every One

thank god its over


This is a picture of my dad... ha ha huh? It made ME laugh anyway.

We had a wonderful christmas. The girls got a haul as usual. Things were tight as far as steven and I .. but I did manage to sneak in a wireless keyboard and mouse for our PC. Kind of a gift for both of us. Hopefully all the checks will clear :) (Just kidding) I keep telling myself its just money... we'll make some more. I didnt worry about it to much since our anniversary is coming up. We always try to get away just a little and spend some time just us, even if its just to the beach. I cant wait, we need a break.

I got the cool Magic bullet blender from tv from my parents. I tried it out and it works pretty good. Made a good smoothie... if I were the drinking kind.. wich I am not (any more) Id be making Vodka slushes and pina coladas right now. After next week with all 6 kids present... I may be the drinking kind again. I'll keep you posted. I want to watch the TV informercial again so I can get neato ideas to use it for. I also got a pancake griddle and some pampered chef spatulas.. I like to cook, are you catching the theme there?

We missed my sister all day long,I kept wondering what she was doing and if she was missing us as much.She spent the day with our Aunt and cousins. So I knew she was in good hands.I did well and didnt cry all day until after dinner and I was thinking how fun it would be to play a game or something, and then realizing that there wasnt enough people without Tina. I did well to hide it from Mom though, and pretended I was sleeping. :(

Steven had to spend some time helping a friend by running the fireworks stand at his job for him.. they will pay him some for it, so that will be nice. Although things arent as desperate as they were before the unemployment insurance kicked in. So we ate dinner wth out him.

The kids played with my parents and thier new toys. And Jasmin's egg donor mother showed her face. I wont bore you with my rantings about her again.. it's getting old, even for me. Im tired of hating her. Its more effort than she is worth. She did get Jasmin a cute outfit and an MP3 player. Although I think we will return that and let jas pick out something she can use. She already has a PSP that can do that, and the MP3 player seems lame beside that.

This afternoon we got busy and took down the decorations. We decorate so early that by Christmas day, I am more than ready to get the clutter put away and have a clean house to start the new year with. Steven thinks its a little scrooge-ish to want to take the tree down so fast. But with such a small place I need to be as clutter free as possible.

This week I will start at one end of the place and clean forward. I got the livingroom tackled mostly today. Ill have Steven reprganize the cds and dvds and I'll do some bigtime dusting. If I get REALLY ambitious we'll clean the livingroom rug with my Dad's steamer.. but with so many kiddos running in and out it may have to wait till later in the spring. If he is home we'll probably work on the yard some and even wash some windows. If I can talk Dad into getting his pressure washer fired up that is...Im not into a ladder and some windex thank you very much.
Its making me tired just thinking about it... off to bed.

i aint afriad of no food stamps

yay for south carolina food stamps


Thank god. South Carolina DSS finally came through with some food stamps. Some people might be ashamed to need some help.. but I figure, that's why it's there. I mean the REAL reason why it's there. To give a helping hand to a hard working family, that has had something lame happen... not to finance steak dinners for crack ho's in trailer parks. Id been fighting DSS to get everything taken care of.. they need everything from check stubbs to blood samples (not really.. but practically) But this morning when I checked my available balance it read. " A whole bunch of free money for food!"

So as soon as the tricycle motors were off to school we bundled up Dalton and went to Bi-lo. Somehow THIS kind of grocery shopping is funner than the other kind... I mean where you have to worry about having enough money to also pay the rent and get gas for bessie (our car).All you have to think about is making the green card stretch through the month. fun stuff.

I also found myself buying things I dont usually make allowances for... for example

a fresh pineapple- steven loves them.. but at $5 a pop I dont usually indulge him.

lemons- I love fresh lemon in my tea, iced and hot. but again.. a want not a need.

name brand chips- I know its basically the same thing.. but there is a HUGE price difference... but today? actual Doritos and Cape cod Kettle chips

Rye Bread- I dont like wonderbread.. or merita or whatever the gross stuffs name brand is here. GROSS!!! And since I am the only one who feels this way.. I usually dont eat sandwiches. But mmmm mmmm I had a turkey and swiss on rye bread for lunch today.. it was nearly heaven.

Im sorry Brian if there is to much food in this post.. but I was just so exited about having a full fridge and having so many options when it comes to cooking dinner tonight... wich by the way will be fettucini alfredo,salad, and french bread.